How will I survive without my best friend?
by JaneyGWF
Summary: Set during 4:13 'Tears of a clown' where Casey has proposed to Jane and just after Maura has seen Jane's ring in the morgue. It follows Maura's reaction to the news. There will be plenty of drama! This is my first R&I multi-chapter fanfic. Chapter 15 now up!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1.**

**A/N. This my first Rizzoli and Isles fanfic attempt so please be kind. I have just written one other story (A Good Wife One Shot between Kalinda and Alicia if anyone wants to check that out).**

**Set during 4:13 Tears of a Clown. This takes place after Casey proposes to Jane and just after Maura notices the ring on Jane's finger in the morgue. I have no idea how many folks have used this as a starting point for a Fanfic story and so I hope it isn't similar to anyone else's work. If it is then it is purely coincidental. It was just going round in my head.**

**It is just an opener...A taster if you will...If folks like it and want me to keep going then I will continue it. Constructive comments appreciated.**

**I don't own the rights to Rizzoli and Isles and don't make any money from it. Just messing with them.**

...

'How will I survive without my best friend?' The startling honesty of Maura's declaration resounded in her head as if she were recognising the truth of it for the first time.

'Maura?'...

Maura barely registered Jane's voice as she fled the morgue, pushing her way through the double doors that led out into the underground car park. She reached out to steady herself against the wall as her legs became unsteady. Her other hand flew to her mouth, anticipating the riot of emotions that were threatening to burst forth. Tears burned her eyes and threatened to spill and her vision blurred before the salty drops slipped down her cheeks.

It was the physical pain that shocked her the most, overwhelming her with it's intensity. Her stomach clenched and her throat constricted, making it even more uncomfortable to swallow down the rising nausea she felt. Her heart thudded against her chest and she felt her blood rushing in her ears. Her composure crumbled to dust as the truth of the situation finally began to hit her...She was losing Jane...

_I can't lose her._

She shook her head, as if trying to dislodge all of the desperate thoughts that were flooding her mind. The thoughts that, over the past few months, had been been safely confined to her nightmares as Jane had spent more and more time with Casey.

Now the nightmares were to become her reality.

Maura's emotions were out of control, and this only served to intensify her feeling of panic. The usually composed Chief Medical Examiner for the State of Massachusetts felt herself losing her grip as the months and months of locked-down, buried deep, emotions finally fought their way to the surface.

_I can't lose her. I'm not strong enough._

Home. She needed to get home. She needed to get away from here. Get away from Jane. She sucked in some much needed air and straightened up. She swallowed thickly and ran her hands down the front of her skirt, ironing out imaginary creases. She set her jaw and wiped impatiently at her glistening eyes with the back of her hand - clearing her vision. She walked stiffly and mechanically to her car and fumbled with the keys before sliding into her seat.

She sat for a moment with the engine running. Staring ahead with her fingers gripping the steering wheel with such force that her knuckles turned white. She dropped her forehead to the wheel and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get control of her breathing and to calm her pounding heart.

_I can't lose her. I'm not strong enough. I will lose myself._

Maura pulled into her driveway as the sun began to set. She didn't remember the drive home. Neither did she register the repeated ringing of her cell phone or the pinging of text messages. If she had committed half a dozen traffic violations on the way to her house she wouldn't have been aware of them. All she could think of was getting inside her home and locking the door. As if that would somehow keep the inevitability of Jane's departure at bay.

_She is everything._

_I can't lose her._

There was a sense of urgency now. Maura couldn't get into the house quickly enough. It was her sanctuary...Her constant. She locked the door and dropped the keys onto the console table before uncharacteristically kicking off her shoes and leaving them where they fell. She drifted past the kitchen in a daze, not noticing Bass as he rounded the corner of the kitchen island, before she climbed the stairs with frustratingly unreliable limbs.

Once inside her darkened bedroom, she made her way to the bed. Dropping her Gucci purse unceremoniously onto the rug before crawling up her bed and pulling the duvet over herself like a protective cloak. The jaw she hadn't realised she had been clenching finally relaxed a little. Her ragged breathing finally slowed and her hammering heart calmed a little. Her mind stilled for a moment. The only sound was that of her own breath puffing against the canopy of the duvet as it warmed her face.

Before Jane, she hadn't feared solitude: It had been her touchstone. Her own company had been enough. Peace and quiet, her anchor.

Now, the stillness taunted her and the emptiness of her house panicked her.

Alone. I am alone.

And in an instant, the rolling current of raw emotions screamed their way to the surface again. Ripping their way through her with fierce intensity, taking her breath away. She squeezed her eyes shut and balled her fists. Overwhelmed once more by the enormity of all that Casey's proposal meant.

_I am nothing without her. I will lose myself._

Tell her.

_No. She deserves to be happy._

Tell her.

_No. I will lose her forever._

_I. Will. Lose. Myself._

…

**A/N Guess who's ringing and texting? Worth continuing? If you want me to continue the next chapter let me know**


	2. Chapter 2 Long day

**Chapter 2.**

**A/N**

**Thank you so much for all of your lovely comments and for following and favoriting this little story.**

**I am overwhelmed by the wonderful response but I am also really daunted and nervous about continuing this in case I screw it up or paint myself into a corner as far as the plot goes so please be kind! I am risking posting this next chapter without being totally clear as to how things will go and I anticipate this will be a 4 or 5 chapter little story.**

**I don't have a beta and when I went to school we seemed to lurch from flash cards to writing stories with very little time given to grammar along the way so I hope I don't outrage anyone with my poor punctuation!**

**Anyway, enough of my rambling. May I present chapter 2.**

**11.50pm**

Jane slipped into her apartment and bolted the door before leaning against it. She tipped back her head and closed her eyes, allowing herself just a few moments to acknowledge the peace and stillness of her home after the unrelenting drama of her day.

The silence was broken by the sound of Jo Friday scampering out of Jane's bedroom and across the hardwood floor before enthusiastically greeting her, having been roused by the noise of the bolt being shot. She spun manically in tight circles at Jane's feet. Even though Jane was bone weary and mentally wrung out she couldn't help but chuckle as she crouched down to scoop Jo into her arms to give her a kiss and scratch behind her scruffy ears. Jo licked at the detective's hands and snuffled approvingly at all of the attention.

'Hey girl!', she breathed against Jo's ear. 'I'm glad somebody's happy to see me. Tommy has already taken you out tonight so you need to get to bed, my friend. 'Kay?'

Jane, gently lowered Jo back to the floor and straightened up, her knees objecting a little as she did so. She blew out a breath, reaching with her hand to rub at the taught muscles at the back of her neck. Then she stood for a moment, hands on hips as her eyes cast around her apartment. Casey had been busy, she noticed. He had cleaned the place up a bit since this morning. Her mail was stacked neatly on the coffee table and the newspaper sections, the remains of breakfast and the coffee cups from earlier had all been either folded, stacked or tidied away. Jane could even detect the whiff of bleach and furniture polish.

_If he wasn't being lined up to be a general, he would make a damn good housewife, _Jane mused drily, trying to make light of one of the many topics that had driven her to the brink today.

Her gaze finally settled on a vase full of white roses, a bottle of champagne, and a pair of cut glass flutes on her kitchen counter. She let out a breathy sigh and wandered over, slumping on the bar stool. She placed an elbow on the table and cradled her chin with her hand. Any other day she might have felt a little flutter of delight bubble up at such a thoughtful gift, but today?

Today...

Reflecting on all that had happened in the last 12 hours, Jane felt like she had gone through the whole gamut of emotions. First, Casey had caught her completely off guard with a proposal and before she could even try and process it he was back on a plane out of the country again. They never really had a chance to talk about how they could make a marriage work when their jobs were so important to them both.

She felt exhausted and overwhelmed just thinking about it. Casey's proposal had been like an almighty grenade going off, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake – not least of which being the implications it had for her work, her family, her friendship...Maura. In fact, the drama of the day had all been weighing so heavily on her heart that she was surprised that she had managed to claw her way to the end of it in one piece.

Then there was the case she was working on. It had really taken its toll on her and she was starting to worry that they wouldn't crack it in time. To make matters worse, she blamed herself that things had taken a turn for the worse as the day progressed and her overriding emotion was that of guilt. Guilt that while she had been off having a picnic with Casey another child had been abducted by some crazed clown with size 25 feet. Guilt when she had spent the afternoon with his distraught mother and seen firsthand the grief and anguish that a parent feels when the minutes tick by and the possible outcomes become all too horrifying to comprehend. She felt guilty that she had let this woman down and worse than that, she had let her son down.

A far as Jane was concerned, and no matter how much Korsak and Frost tried to tell her otherwise, she blamed herself and felt that this should never have happened on her watch. What was even more frustrating was that none of them could seem to catch a break. Instead, the kidnapper was taunting them with video footage of the boy and she couldn't even tell if he was alive or dead. Meanwhile, the clock kept ticking. Every second that little boy was in captivity was another second a mother wondered if she would ever see her son alive again. In fact, if Korsak hadn't pulled rank and ordered her home she would still be there, reading and re-reading the case files. Playing back the video tape over and over. Looking back through the forensics.

Jane fingered the card that was propped up against the vase and flicked it open.

'Everything will be okay. Have a drink with Maura. Love Casey xx'

_Maura._

Jane's thumb brushed gently across her name on the card. Her heart clenched a little and she felt the prick of tears. She sniffed in a shuddering breath and exhaled before closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. She just couldn't deny the fact that no matter how much of a shocker the day had been it wasn't Casey, his proposal, the case or the other piles of steaming crap she had to deal with that had gotten to her: No, it was Maura's parting words to her and the look on her face before she fled the morgue that had haunted the detective all afternoon.

Jane had been completely blind-sided by Maura's confession and had little time to process or react to what happened between them before she was pulled back to the case and all of its demands. Out of necessity she had put the whole encounter in the 'deal with it later' compartment of her brain. Now, away from the office, that compartment had burst open, spewing forth all of its contents and Jane felt too fragile to cope with it all.

Just thinking of Maura's reaction clenched her gut. Jane found herself squeezing her eyes shut in an effort to block out yet another reenactment of her meeting with Maura. But again, she failed and she felt a surge of emotion bubble up once more as Maura's words echoed around her head and the expression on Maura's face was brought into sharp focus once more.

_How will I survive without my best friend?_

Never had Jane seen such raw vulnerability reflected in those hazel eyes that searched hers for an answer to that plaintive question. In that moment when Maura's eyes locked on hers with such searching intensity, such desperation, Jane felt that tightly bound parcel of suppressed emotions that she had tucked way back in the recesses of her mind, without permission begin to unfurl and bloom in her chest. She tried to put it down to exhaustion but she knew that it would be a lie. She was well practiced at coming up with rational explanations as to why her best friend could always exact such a powerful emotional response in her: a compulsion to protect her, to care for her. But Maura was like family, wasn't she? Jane would do anything for her family, right?

Suddenly it felt physically painful to Jane. She couldn't bear that she was the one responsible for causing such a raw reaction from her best friend and now the ME wasn't responding to her texts or picking up her calls. The more her calls went unanswered, the more uneasy and upset Jane became. She hated it when Maura was upset. Maura had endured enough heartache and pain in her life already and Jane saw it as her job to shield her from any more hurt. Now, she was the cause of her heartache and she couldn't bear it. This wasn't how things were supposed to go today and when Maura was hurt or upset they worked things out together. They talked through things together. They shared their pain and their fears – Jane wasn't supposed to be the cause of them. They were always there for each other...

_There for each other?_

Jane felt sick. Suddenly, the urge to get back into her car and drive to Beacon Hill was overwhelming. She desperately wanted to see Maura. Her protective instincts going into overdrive. The need to reassure her friend was overpowering. But what could she say? Nothing seemed clear anymore.

_What am I doing with my life?!_

Damn Casey! Damn his proposal! Damn this shiny crystalline form of carbon on her finger. Jane looked down at the ring and felt a surge of white hot rage – angry at herself and the whole situation. Suddenly, as if it were scorching her, she wrenched it off her finger and slapped it down on the table. She gripped her head in her hands and squeezed her eyes shut as if trying to will away all of the rampant thoughts that were plaguing her weary mind before reaching for her phone on her utility belt. She frowned at it in her hand, her finger hovered over Maura's name yet again but she knew it was too late to call. Jane threw her phone down on the kitchen counter in disgust and growled in frustration before pushing herself up from the stool and reaching into the fridge for a beer. She found a six pack hiding among shelves filled with recently purchased groceries. A far cry from the usually sparse contents of her refrigerator.

Rather than make her smile at Casey's helpful gesture it just made her even more irritated.

_What the hell, Casey? Do you feel like you have to mother me too? I have managed to drag myself to the ripe old age of 40 without outside interference._

She groaned. Why was she being such a bitch? She popped the top off her beer and dragged her weary, complaining body over to the couch and plopped down next to Jo, before lifting her legs onto the coffee table. Jo wasted no time in snuggling into a tight ball of fur beside her, resting her fuzzy muzzle on Jane's thigh.

'What a mess!' she groaned, clenching her jaw as she thumped her fist on the arm of the couch which made Jo's head pop up in surprise. She tugged her hand through her tangled curls and let out yet another irritated growl.

She rubbed at her eyes impatiently and then slumped back in the couch. Overtired and overwhelmed.

Eventually she succumbed to sleep.

**A/N Please let me know what you think. Constructive critisism, praise (!) appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Thank you! Thank you! For all of your lovely reviews, 'favourites' and 'follows' for my little story. I really love to hear what you think so please keep speaking to me (Needy, much? Lol!) Seriously, this is so much more fun than my day job (Pharmacy!)**

**I apologise that I seem to have left poor Maura under her duvet for ages but we will get back to her soon but in the meantime we are sticking with Jane. Plus, everyone's favourite criminalist, Suzie Chang, makes an appearance in this chapter to provide some much needed comic relief.**

**XXXXXXXXX**

**7.30am**

Korsak and Frost looked up simultaneously as Jane slunk into the bullpen looking tired and cranky. She barely grunted a greeting, before plopping down into her chair and rubbing her face impatiently. Korsak and Frost shot each other a look that was immediately received and understood by both men...'_Do not poke the bear_'.

Jane had overslept and woken up on her couch with a crick in her neck and a dog licking her face. Ordinarily she would have had time to shower, walk Jo, grab a coffee in a 'to go' cup and call at Maura's on the way – something she desperately needed to do after the events of yesterday. As it was she only had time to change her clothes, brush her teeth and leave Jo with a neighbour.

Silence hung in the air of the bullpen for a few beats before Jane's gravely voice, a little hoarse from lack of use, punctured it 'Where are we with the case?' she said, clearing her throat. She stared intently at the pen that she was twirling repeatedly in both hands.

Korsak looked exhausted. He rubbed his eyes and rose from his seat to perch on the end of his desk, facing Jane, before he replied 'We looked over the video feed again and spotted a window. Frost was able to enhance the image and pick out a fire alarm box on a telephone pole on the residential street but couldn't identify all of the numbers on the box. There are thousands of those things in the Boston area so that doesn't help us. We also spotted a weather vane in the shot and were able to establish that the house must be on the east side of the residential street, running north to south. Again, that doesn't really round things down much. We are still hoping we can find the manufacturer of the clown masks from the sample Maura tested in the lab but the results still aren't back. '

'So we've still got nothing!' Jane growled petulantly, throwing her pen down on her desk and slamming her hands on the table.

Frost dipped his head quickly, finding something interesting to fidget with in his pencil holder, feeling a storm brewing.

'Jane!' Korsak barked, eyes flashing her a warning. He knew her well enough to know that the case could not be the only thing that had her off her game and coiled like a spring but he was going to nip her temper in the bud before they all said something they regretted. They all needed to work together if they had any chance of finding the boy.

She slumped further into her chair, clenching and unclenching her jaw before letting out a breath and meeting Korsak's steady glare, her eyes dropping again when she saw the look on his face. 'I'm sorry, Korsak, I'm being a jerk. I know you and Frost have pulled an all-nighter and...It's just..It's just...' She shook her head, unable to find the words she needed.

'I know, Jane.' Korsak said, his voice gentle this time, his tone letting Jane know that he understood her frustrations with the case.

He stood up and threw a file down on his desk before stabbing his finger towards the door of the bullpen.

Jane looked up, eyebrows raised 'What?'

Korsak's lip quirked into a grin as he spoke this time 'Now do us all a favour, Jane. Get your butt down to the coffee shop for some much needed coffee for all of us and make sure yours has a double shot of expresso _and_ while you are down there go and see if Dr Isles has that match on the mask.'

Everything in Jane wanted to be grumpy just a little bit longer but she couldn't help but chuckle. She shook her head and pushed off from her desk. 'Alright, old man.' she drawled, 'But until we come up with some solid leads you can wave goodbye to any chance of me bringing you guys donuts.' She waggled her finger at them as she walked backwards towards the door, expertly dodging the balled up paper missile that Frost aimed at her head.

xxxx

Susie had anticipated a visit from one particular representative of Boston's Finest this morning. Nevertheless, despite being accustomed to the unmistakable whoosh of the double doors as they were flung back on their hinges, followed by the characteristic booted footsteps that heralded the arrival of one Detective Rizzoli, Senior Criminalist Chang still jumped, practically launching the contents of the specimen tube she was holding into the air.

Over the years, Susie had become used to the Jane's frequent visits to the morgue and had a deep admiration and respect for the wild haired detective. That said, Susie still had a hard time figuring out when Jane was teasing her and when she was being serious and frankly, the rest of the time Jane just scared the crap out of her.

What Susie did not have a hard time figuring out was the undeniable chemistry that charged the air between Jane and her boss whenever they were together. In fact, the most interesting aspect of her job was not running the gels or cross referencing DNA against the crime database (though she was embarrassed to admit that she did indeed get a bit of a thrill every time they got a match) but watching with fascination as The Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachussetts interacted with a certain highly decorated homicide detective. Yet, despite Susie recognising the unmistakable signs of mutual attraction between the pair, she was convinced that neither realised how the other felt. Inexplicably, this rare and deep connection that the two shared never seemed to cross the line from friendship into something more. It was entertaining to watch, though!

Susie remained with her back to Jane. She was rooted to the spot at the sampling apparatus, already prepared for how the next few minutes would play out. Sure enough, Jane's determined stride towards Maura's office came to an abrupt halt (no doubt because Jane had spotted that the office was shrouded in darkness).

_1, 2, 3..._Susie mentally counted.

She heard Jane spin on her heels.

'Susie?'

_And there it is..._

Susie turned quickly on the spot and stood to attention, holding her test tube and pipette aloft in her hands in some sort of lab tech version of surrender.

'Detective?' she croaked out, mentally cursed herself for her faltering voice and clearing her throat. All these years of working together and she still got flustered by the force of nature that was Jane Rizzoli.

Jane stood in all of her glory, fixing her chocolate brown eyes intently on Susie 'Where's Maura?', she whined, with a note of exasperation, gesturing wildly towards the door of the ME's office with her arms before placing her hands on her hips in trade mark Rizzoli fashion as she waited for an answer.

Susie felt the full force of the detective's penetrating gaze. For a fleeting moment she could imagine how intimidating it must be to sit across from her in an interrogation room; worrying for a split second that Jane might actually believe that she had something to do with her boss's disappearance.

'She's not here, detective!' She blurted in reflex and immediately cringed.

Jane's eyebrow quirked in response. Jane blew out a breath and tipped her head back, pinching the bridge of her nose for a beat or two. She was perilously close to losing her last shred of patience already today and it wasn't even 8am. But she also knew that Susie wasn't to blame for her rapidly deteriorating mood. She liked the girl, despite her penchant for nudist beaches and being even more weird and quirky than her best friend.

Rather than anger, Jane opted for sarcasm, 'I think that my powerful 'Spidey senses' had already led me to that very conclusion, Susie. Although, if Maura has been let loose on Pricedrop TV again this week then I could be mistaken and at this very moment she is sitting in there flicking through her case notes with the help of a pair of military grade night vision goggles.'

'Dr. Isles shops on Pricedrop TV?' She quizzed, eyebrows raised in surprise.

'Susie!' Jane said through gritted teeth, before spelling it out slowly 'Do. You .Know .Where .Dr. Isles Is?'

'She sent an email about an hour ago to say that Dr. Pike would be coming in to cover for her today.'

'Really?!' Jane shook her head before throwing her arms in the air in exasperation and letting them fall, 'Unbelievable! Just when I thought this day could not get any worse!' She blew out a breath, 'Look. Just let me know when you get a manufacturer match for that clown mask,' she muttered as she turned on her heel and stalked out of the morgue. Susie scrunched her eyes in anticipation of the shuddering of the doors as Jane pushed her way into the corridor and marched towards the elevator.

'I guess Dr. Isles didn't clear her day off with Detective Rizzoli,' Susie murmured to herself, shaking her head. _I would not want to be in your shoes when she finally tracks you down, Dr Isles, _she thought.

Jane stabbed repeatedly at the elevator button, before dragging her hand through her unruly mane of hair. She let out a frustrated growl. She was starting to get more than a little worried now. It was totally out of character for Maura to delegate such a sensitive and important case to someone like Pike. Unless she absolutely had to. Unless she really couldn't come in, or was it that she really couldn't face Jane? Yet again, Jane felt like she was the reason why this case was going nowhere fast. She knew she would not be able to focus on anything today until she checked on Maura; even if it meant driving over to Beacon Hill herself and that was the last thing she needed with this child abduction case going on.

_What the hell, Maura?_

By the time she stomped into the coffee shop she could barely contain her frustration, as another call to Maura's cell went unanswered.

'Janie!' Angela called out enthusiastically across the coffee shop as her daughter approached. Her face dropped as soon as she saw the murderous look on Jane's face and she stared at her questioningly as Jane grabbed her by the elbow and steered her towards a table in the corner of the coffee shop.

'Janie? What's going on?!' She huffed, not particularly pleased to be dragged away from her customers with Stanley glowering after her.

'Ma. Have you seen Maura?' Jane groaned, letting go of her mother's arm and slumping into a chair.

'I saw her yesterday morning at breakfast. She was telling me Constance is back in town this week. She might even make it to Rizzoli Sunday dinner.'

'So you haven't seen her since then?' Jane pressed.

'No honey. I was at Sean's last night and came straight to work from there.' Seeing from Jane's expression that this was not what she wanted to hear, she searched her daughter's face 'Is something wrong, Jane?'

Jane blew out a breath and threw her arms in the air, 'I have no idea, Ma! I haven't seen Maura since yesterday in the morgue. She hasn't answered my calls. She hasn't replied to my texts. She hasn't come into work this morning,' said Jane, stabbing at the table with her finger as she listed off Maura's indiscretions. She let out a sigh. 'I'm worried about her!' Jane leant forward and cradled her head in her hands, grabbing frustratedly at her hair.

'What did you do Janie? Have you girls fallen out again? You know, you need to make this right and not let it fester like it did last time, honey. You girls need each other.'

'Ma. I can't seem to do anything right. This case is a mess and so much is going on and I'm so confused and I just, I just...I don't know Ma. Why does life have to be so complicated sometimes?'

'What's so complicated?' Angela quizzed.

'This', Jane said, unzipping the inside pocket of her suit jacket and reached inside, slipping the diamond solitaire ring onto her finger as it glittered in the sunlight that was streaking through the cafe window.

'Janie!' Angela shrieked, grabbing hold of Jane's hand.

'Ma!' Jane exclaimed, trying to wrestle her hand from the older woman's grip.

'Casey proposed!' She shrilled, pulling Jane's hand closer to get a better look, gazing slack-jawed at the glittering ring. 'My baby's getting married!' She bit back a sniffle and her eyes started to glisten.

'Will you keep your voice down, Ma!' Jane said through clenched teeth, 'I don't want the whole of BPD knowing my business.'

'Sorry.' She drew out in an exaggerated stage whisper. Jane huffed.

'Can't a mother be excited when her only daughter gets engaged?' She did a little shuffle in her seat and squealed in delight before pinching Jane's cheeks.

'Will you stop' Jane exclaimed, batting her hands away dramatically.

'Have you set a date? Ooooohhh! I can't wait to tell Carla Tallucci.'

'Look. We haven't set a date because I haven't exactly said yes yet.' Jane sighed, slumping further into the chair, her thumb rubbing at the scar tissue on the back of her hand.

'Whadaya mean, you haven't said yes? He proposed didn't he? He gave you a ring? It's a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer, isn't it?' Angela was totally confused now. She fixed Jane with an intent and searching glare. Jane's eye's dropped to the table.

_It should be a simple yes or no answer, shouldn't it?_

'That's what I mean Ma. It's complicated, alright?' She conceded. 'It's not as simple as you think.'

'But you love him, don't you? How complicated can it be?' She reached out and lifted her daughter's head, cupping her cheek and brushed her thumb across it tenderly. She waited until Jane lifted her eyes and held her gaze, worried by the troubled brown eyes that were staring back at her.

'Jane.' She said in a tone that told her daughter that she was not to going to get off the hook that easily. Jane found it hard to maintain eye contact with her mother. There was definitely more detectives in the family than her and Frankie and sometimes Jane swore that her mother could see right down into her very soul. She sucked in a breath and reached up to her face to cover her mother's hand.

'Ma. Casey's been offered a promotion. He's got the chance to be a General. It's what he's always wanted and I can't ask him to give up his dream. He knows how important my job and my family is to me too. Could I leave Boston? Be a General's wife on an army base somewhere? He's asked me to think about it but now he's been recalled and he's back on a plane heading to Aghanistan. I just don't know what to think. What do I do, ma?' Her heart felt so heavy as she watched the flicker of realisation wash over her mother's face before she tried to school her features.

'Oh,' Angela sighed, biting her lower lip. She dropped her hands to her lap and lowered her eyes, 'I see.'

An uncomfortable silence followed. Jane's heart had lurched when she saw the flicker of pain in her mother's eyes but before she could dwell on it her mind returned to Maura and she felt her anxiety ratchet up once more, remembered why she was here in the first place.

She sighed and placed a reassuring hand on her mother's arm and gave it a squeeze. She dipped her head until she could capture her mother's gaze and said with urgency, 'Look Ma. Can we just not do this here? I promise I will talk to you about this but right now I need to go check on Maura."

Angela's head snapped up as everything started to make sense.

'Does Maura know about Casey's proposal?' she questioned, searching her daughter's face.

'Yes. She saw the ring when I got back from seeing Casey yesterday afternoon,' Jane sighed as Angela's eyebrows knitted together at the news. Interesting, Angela thought.

'And?' Angela drew out, pressing Jane to get to the heart of what was bothering her.

'You know Maura, Ma. Only she could talk about the ring in terms of its chemical constituents.' She shrugged, dropping her eyes to the table once more. Angela sensed that there was much more to the conversation than she was letting on and it didn't take a detective to deduce that Maura hadn't taken the news well. Angela was having trouble processing Jane's news herself so she could only imagine the impact it was having on the woman she thought of as a second daughter. No wonder she hadn't responded to Jane's phone calls. No wonder she hadn't come into work. Angela knew that Maura struggled when it came to dealing with her emotions and when those emotions revolved around the person that meant most to her in the whole world.

_Oh, Maura. _Angela thought.

'How did you leave things with Maura yesterday, Jane?' Angela said tentatively. Jane let out a shuddering breath and swallowed thickly, 'Ma..She...' Jane lifted her head and Angela saw the look of anguish there as her eye's glistened with unshed tears. Jane shook her head and swiped at her eyes with her palms, blowing out through her mouth before she pushed back from the table with a screech of chair legs and in one swift motion was up and out of her chair.

Angela rose with her and before Jane could resist she pulled her into a crushing hug, 'I love you so much, Jane.' She pulled back and held her daughter by the forearms, looking at her daughter with such love and conviction that Jane found it hard to keep eye contact.

'Jane, you'd have to love someone a heck of a lot if you are willing to even think about giving up so much to be with them...Your whole life is here in Boston. Just promise me you will make the decision that's best for you. I know how hard that will be for you, honey, because you are always worried about everyone else. You're always looking out for everyone else's best interests and I love you for it. But this is your decision, baby, not mine, your brothers, BPDs or Maura's...Yours. Just follow your heart, Jane. I will love you and be here for you no matter what you decide to do.'

Her mother's words overwhelmed Jane and she struggled desperately to maintain her composure, working her jaw and trying to ignore the prickle of tears in her eyes. Finally, she squared her shoulder's 'I gotta go, Ma,' she said quietly, her voice thick with emotion. She gently took her mother's hands in hers and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead before striding out of the coffee shop and out through the front doors of the department.

Angela hugged her arms around herself and swallowed down the lump in her throat as she watched her daughter leave. This should be one of the happiest days of her daughter's life, she thought. Casey had proposed to her. He loved her. She loved him. It was simple wasn't it? Yet, Angela knew her daughter, not all of this upset and emotion seemed to be about Casey, about the proposal…Not really.

Angela wasn't blind. She had watched Jane and Maura closely over the years and all of the clues and signs were beginning to piece together. Jane was the bravest, most courageous person she knew and yet when it came to confronting her personal life she seemed intent on shying away from the truth. Was Casey the safe choice? Was she settling for him? As much as Angela wanted to get involved in all of this she knew she had to let Jane figure it out for herself. Just as long as Jane knew she was there for her, no matter what…Even if it meant Jane leaving Boston. But, deep down Angela hoped it wouldn't come to that. She wanted more than anything for Jane to finally have the courage to grasp hold of something...Someone...that Angela herself was only beginning to realise had been right there in front of her all along. When it came to the most important decision of her life would Jane finally have the courage to reach out and grasp what she truly wanted and deserved?

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**I love to get your reviews. Please tell me what you think…As always, constructive comments and suggestions greatly appreciated.**

**I have a lot to figure out for the next chapter or so as Maura will finally emerge from beneath her duvet and Jane and Maura will finally get the face to face encounter you have all been waiting for. Consequently, it may take me a while to update as I need to let it bounce around my head for a bit so I can be clear about exactly how it will play out.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Author's Note.**

**I know! I know! It has been ages since I updated this. It's a wonder poor Maura didn't suffocate under that duvet!**

**I am so sorry but life and writer's block just got in the way but let me reassure you that I am committed to seeing my little baby fic through to the end so please stick with me.**

**I had major writer's block because this is a crucial pivotal chapter of this humble little story and I really needed to let it bounce around in my head for ages and make sure that it was true to the characters...It also serves to set up what happens next.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Whitewave42.**

**Whitewave42...You, my friend, are officially marvellous and I salute you!**

**Thank you, Thank you. I am indebted to you! You took this little novice writer under your wing and offered me so much valuable support, encouragement and suggestions and I have had a blast this past week having you to share all of my R&amp;I geekiness with...I am totally in awe of your stupendous writing talent and I recommend that everyone reads your superb AU Rizzoli and Isles Fanfic, 'Playing with Fire' - (and please leave reviews for her too and the more detailed the better).**

**Disclaimer**

**I don't own it. I make no money from it. Yada Yada.**

**Anyway, on with the show...So Jane's on her way to Maura's...**

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Jane hung up her cell after asking Korsak to call her the minute they had a break in the kidnap case. He hadn't hesitated to authorize Jane's request to check on Maura, knowing that she wouldn't be able to focus until she had satisfied herself that Maura was okay. To be honest, he and Frost were a little worried about Maura themselves: calling Pike to cover for her would not be a decision she would take lightly.

As Jane pulled up outside Maura's Beacon Hill home, the first thing that she noticed was the fact that the ME's Prius hadn't been put in the garage. Instead, it had been unceremoniously dumped at an odd angle on her driveway. A detail that wouldn't have meant much to anyone else but Jane knew Maura and all of her habits and foibles and if she was home for the day or the evening she usually put the car in the garage. If she didn't then it was always parked with regulation precision on her driveway with the driver's door in line with the set of steps that led to the side door of her home. The fact that it was parked in such a haphazard way was about as uncharacteristic as Maura calling a reddish brown stain 'blood' or eating a corn dog washed down with a root beer.

This visible clue to Maura's state of mind did nothing to quell Jane's mounting concern as she rubbed her clammy hands down the front of her pant legs, before marching up the steps that led to Maura's door. She paused for a moment to gather herself, trying to focus on pushing down all of the frustration she was feeling at having to track Maura down and abandon the case.

Over the years, Jane had become increasingly adept at interpreting Maura's body language. She noticed the tiny details, watched for the smallest flickers of expression on her face. Years of being a cop had also helped her to read her complex friend. This meant that despite how wound up Jane was, she knew that she needed to try and rein in her hot-headed, protective, passionate self if she wanted to get to the bottom of what was going on with Maura. If she didn't, then chances were that Maura would be overwhelmed and would just deflect or shut down completely.

She took a breath, hesitated, finger poised over the door bell. She clenched and unclenched her other hand and then straightened up, pushing the bell.

_Here goes..._

When the third ring of the doorbell went unanswered, the cool, calm and collected option Jane had been trying to go for had been overridden by her usual default 'Rizzoli' setting. She pressed her palms and forehead to the door. 'Maura! Please answer the goddamned door. I am too tired for this.' She grumbled under her breath. She slapped the door with her hands and pushed off, before turning resignedly to descend the steps. The click of the door unlocking halted her progress. She dipped her head with a sigh before taking a breath and swirling back around.

Jane was caught off guard by the Maura that stood before her. She felt her stomach clench as she took in the sight of the usually immaculate blonde. Maura's eyes were puffy and red-rimmed and Jane noticed immediately that she was still wearing the same clothes that she had on yesterday.

'Jane?' Maura questioned, in a voice that seemed too light, too surprised. Maura had pasted on a smile that Jane didn't believe for a second, noting that it didn't extend to her eyes.

'What are you doing here?', Maura continued, again, failing to fool Jane with her attempt to keep her voice light, as it filled the silence between the two of them.

Jane's senses pinged as she regarded her friend. She took in her uneasiness, the lack of eye contact, her bottom lip being worried between her teeth, the way she hugging herself as she leaned against the frame of her door as if for support. Maura looked so lost. In that moment Jane fought the urge to just launch herself at the ME and pull her into a reassuring embrace. But Maura's body language screamed 'don't even try it.'

_Maura._

The silent deadlock seemed to last for hours before Maura dropped her hands and pushed off from the frame of the door, turning slowly and walking back into her house towards the kitchen. Jane was left floundering on the step, suddenly uncertain of her next move. She clasped her hands in front, rubbing at her scarred palms before puffing out a breath and launching herself into the house after Maura who was now at the sink, her back to Jane, filling the water jug for the coffee machine.

'Do you want a drink?' Maura continued without turning round, but instead she talked over her shoulder in a tone that once again reeked of fake joviality. Exasperated, Jane raised her hands and then dropped them, 'No, Maura. I don't want a drink!' She said too sharply and then took a breath to calm herself. She continued carefully, her voice more plaintive and filled with concern.

'I just want to know what's going on Maura. I've been calling you and texting you since yesterday. You didn't show up at work. I was worried. I came here to check you were okay. I didn't know where you were.' She was flustered and it all fumbled out.

Maura remained pinned in place putting the jug down she responded in a weary, strained voice 'Where else would I be, Jane?'. She started opening cupboards and looking for mugs, busying herself as Jane's eyes were locked on her back.

_What?_

Why did Maura's stark statement, weighted with such angst, hit Jane like a punch in her gut?

Jane began to shake her head, hand on hip. She ran a hand through her hair and then moved towards her friend,

'Maur' she breathed it out in a sigh, 'Please. Talk to me.'

She noticed Maura tense at Jane's use of the name only she used for her and her movements stilled.

'Maura. If this is about Casey...'

Jane watched as Maura stiffened. Jane closed the distance between them and reached out to rub a reassuring hand down her arm. Maura flinched, glaring at Jane's hand, before quickly pulling away. Jane was taken aback by Maura's rejection of her touch before inwardly cursing herself as she realised she was still wearing Casey's ring.

_No!_

Jane backed away, arms raised in submission.

'Maura. Look. I haven't said yes. I don't know what...Look..I just need time...And anyway,' she said, with a quirk of her eyebrow in an attempt to lighten the mood, 'Aren't you always telling _me_ not to jump to conclusions! I thought you _never_ assumed, Maura. Please don't start now!'

Maura didn't know why Jane's comments made her so angry. Her attempt at humour simply served to light a match beneath Maura's already simmering emotions. She spun round, her brow knitted and her eyes blazing. Her petite frame practically pulsed with tension.

_Way to go! Jane. Really helpful._

Any thought Jane had that she could diffuse the situation with some humour was immediately snuffed out and she was floundered now, realising that she had simply succeeded in ratchetting the tension up a notch.

'Maura. Say something. Please.' Jane pleaded.

Maura continued to lock eyes with Jane, projecting so many emotions in them that it was painful for Jane to stand there, doing nothing. The internal struggle that her friend was fighting was so apparent from the pain and confusion she saw in the depths of her hazel eyes.

Maura felt helpless as the internal battle raged. So many words were bubbling up inside of her. So many things she wanted so desperately to say to Jane. She could feel her heart thudding too fast in her chest. She was losing control. She reached behind herself to grip the counter in an effort to ground herself. Holding on for dear life, afraid that if she let go she might literally shatter into a million pieces. Her whole body was shaking with all of the pent up feelings that were clawing their way to the surface now. She didn't trust herself to speak. She didn't know what to say or how to say it. How to articulate all of the thoughts that were racing through her head.

_Don't leave me._

_I love you._

_Choose me._

Finally, Maura shook her head, as if attempting to clear it. She collected her thoughts. The silence stretched on between them.

_I. can. do. this. breathe._

Maura took a steadying breath and licked her lips. With every ounce of composure she could muster she finally spoke,

'Can you really leave Boston? Leave your home. Leave BPD. Your family. _Friends._...Can you see yourself as a general's wife, Jane?'

Her words were so quiet and measured that Jane would have missed them had she not been waiting so intently for Maura to say something, anything.

Jane paused. Surprised at first by Maura's question, Jane let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding, just relieved that Maura was at least talking to her at all.

'Honestly, Maura? I just don't know.'

Maura's expressive eyes betraying how vulnerable she was at this moment. Laid bare.

'Tell me what you are thinking Maura? What's going on in that big brain of yours?' Jane stepped closer to Maura, gently reaching out for Maura's arms - grateful this time that Maura didn't shirk away from her touch. She was shocked by how much Maura was shaking.

'Maura. What you think is important to me. _You_ are important to me. You are my best friend and that is not going to change.'

Jane tentatively reached out and lifted Maura's chin with her fingers until their eyes met. She looked at the glistening hazel eyes that stared back and all of the emotions that were swirling in them. It was Maura who finally tore her gaze away from the searching chocolate eyes that seemed to burn her with their intensity. Maura slammed her eyes shut and slowly shook her head, biting her lip. She was sick of hiding her emotions. So tired of fighting the growing feelings she had for her best friend. She wanting to tell Jane everything but then she was not that person. If she did so she would be no better than Casey...Making Jane choose, coercing her, influencing her. More importantly, the risk of losing Jane and their friendship entirely was too painful to imagine.

'Maura. _Say_ something.' Jane pressed gently.

'I can't', barely audible.

'Maura?' Plaintively, with conviction.

Maura clenched her jaw even more tightly, trying to hold off all of the words that seemed to be pressing against the back of her lips - straining to be unleashed and unfettered. Finally, her internal defenses crumbled...The inner turmoil, the tension, the confrontation, the proposal, Casey, everything surged forth and she wrenched herself from Jane's grasp.

'I can't!' she screamed, conveying such pain and anguish in those two words that both of them stood there stunned. Maura's hand flew to her mouth and her eye's brimmed with tears. Jane was rooted to the spot, eyes wide with shock. Maura felt an urge to flee that was overpowering. She just couldn't handle it anymore. She tried to push past Jane, but Jane, suddenly recovering from the shock held onto Maura's shoulders, pinning her to the spot.

Maura tried to wrestle herself away but Jane held firm, pleading with her. 'Maura. Please do not walk away from me. We need to talk about this. I need to understand what is going on here. Whatever it is, we can fix it.'

Jane stepped closer to Maura, rubbing her hands gently up and down Maura's upper arms, giving her a reassuring squeeze before grasping her arms gently. She waited for Maura to raise her eyes once more.

'Talk to me Maur'. I am not leaving until we sort this out.'

Maura was too weary to argue any more. Too tired of it all. She looked up at the liquid brown eyes so full of concern. Her breath caught as she stared into the face she thought would always be part of her life. Always there for her.

_I can't lose you._

She licked her dry lips. Her throat was so tight with emotion that it was physically painful. She clenched and unclenched her fists, still fighting with herself as to what to do, what to say. All the time she was so aware of Jane's close proximity, the heat of her breath on her face, the warmth of her hands holding her up, her intense compassionate gaze burning into her. She could smell Jane's lavender perfume and that intoxicating scent that was uniquely Jane. It made it hard to think, hard to breathe. Maura's throat felt so tight and parched she wasn't sure if she could squeeze any words out even if she wanted to.

Jane was confused by the myriad of surging emotions that were stirring within her as she continued to search Maura's face. Deeply affected by with the pain that was reflected back at her. As she held onto her friend and searched the face that she had known for years she suddenly felt as if she were truly seeing her for the first time. It seemed like minutes stretched out between them as she stood there waiting for her friend to gather herself to speak.

Jane and Maura both jumped as the shrill of Maura's cell phone broke the spell between them. Neither moved for a while and Jane didn't release her hold as Maura broke eye contact and looked over at the cell phone display on the kitchen worktop. Her mother's number. Her eyes darted back to Jane...Not sure if she was relieved to have the interruption or whether she was annoyed by it.

Maura was the first to react, clearing her throat, 'Jane. I should...'

Jane awoke from her daze, stuttering 'Yeah...Of course, of course.'

Jane slowly and gently loosened her hold on Maura and stepped away, running her hand absently through her hair.

'Mother?' Maura said, turning away from Jane after picking up the cell.

Jane wandered into the lounge, dragging a hand along the back of the sofa as she took some calming breaths and tried to ignore the sound of her heart still hammering in her chest.

'Beth? What's going on? Why are you using mother's phone? Is everythi...'

Jane spun round and watched as Maura's face drained of colour and she dropped like a stone onto one of the kitchen chairs.

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**So thank you to those who have stuck with my little fic and thank you so much for all of the encouraging reviews and favourites and follows. Please let me know what you think of this chapter because it is a really important chapter for me and I can't tell you how wonderful it is to get a review that lets you know you have connected with the reader. Tell me which bits you like and what you think might happen next. I love feedback! So please, just cast your eye towards that little empty review box at the bottom of the page and speak to me! Thank you in advance!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**A/N**

**I'm back!**

**Thank you so much for your support, follows, reviews and favouriting of this little story. Sorry for the delay between updates...It just takes me a long time to squeeze a chapter out and I have been busy working on a bit of a collaboration with the outrageously talented Whitewave42 on 'Don't Speak'. Major thanks go to her for being so generous with her time and talents and for giving me the motivation and encouragement I need to get this story out to you all.**

**So is everyone ready for a bit more angst?**

Maura sat in stunned silence. Immobilised by the shock of Beth's news. She felt numb. It just didn't seem real. Her orderly, logical world had crumbled in the space of a few short hours. Now she was lurching from one crisis to another, as if part of some sick endurance game designed to see what it would take to push her to breaking point. She stared down at the phone, unblinking, unfocused, undone. Her mind momentarily paralysed and unable to process what was happening.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed as she continued to stare at the phone in her hand; the aftershock of yet another bombshell buffeting her already fragile state. Her knuckles blanched as her grip on the handset tightened: as if by applying pressure she could somehow force out an explanation of how her life could spiral so hopelessly out of control, intent on tearing those she loved away from her.

Then, in an instant, the world that had contracted tightly around her, pressing her down, shutting out everything else, was suddenly breached. She was wrenched back into the present by the sound of her own name, her burning lungs reminding her to suck in a shaky breath.

'Maura!'

Hazel eyes snapped up in surprise to meet worried brown ones.

_Jane._

Maura had momentarily forgotten that Jane had been pacing anxiously beside her the whole time.

Jane was practically climbing the walls with worry by the time Maura ended the telephone call. She had only caught half of the conversation but it was enough for her to gather that something had happened to Constance and judging from Maura's reaction it was serious. She had looked on helplessly as she watched the different emotions flicker across Maura's face until her friend had finally lowered the phone, her face a mixture of shock and anguish.

As Maura's shining eyes had locked on hers they were so filled with panic that Jane felt her heart clench in her chest. She dropped down on her haunches and reached for her friend's hands.

'Maura. What is it? Tell me what's happened.' Jane coaxed, urgently, her face a mask of concern. Her voice raspy, barely making it past the lump in her throat. She looked intently at her friend, waiting for answers.

Maura tore her eyes away from Jane and stood from the chair suddenly, almost knocking Jane off balance, 'Oh God.' She said, her voice strangled in her throat. 'I need to go...I have to go to New York.' She said as if to herself, her eyes casting round the room as she tried to assess what she needed to do next.

'I need to pack. I have to call John.' She wheeled round and she walked briskly towards her bedroom, already dialling the number on the phone without a backward glance at Jane. Maura reached her room with Jane hot on her heels. Maura suddenly snapped into professional mode as her call connected 'John? This is Maura Isles. How soon can you get the jet ready? I need to get to New York urgently. Thank you...And John? Can you arrange for the town car to pick me up in half an hour? Good. I will see you at the airport.'

She threw the phone onto the bed and stood for a moment hand on hip, tremulously lifting her hand to her forehead, obviously trying to focus and concentrate through the mess of emotions she was experiencing. Then, she moved swiftly round her bed and opened the doors to her wardrobe and went in, fetching out an overnight bag and an armful of clothes which she swung onto the bed, beginning to pack with great determination.

She didn't even seem to be aware that Jane had followed her into the room.

Jane surveyed the scene before her in agitation, needing answers and worried by Maura's behaviour. She stood at her back, working out how to try to contain this whole situation and not spook an already fragile ME.

'Maura. Honey. Please. Has something happened to Constance? What's going on? Talk to me.' Maura stopped what she was doing. Jane could hear her shallow, ragged breaths. She crossed the room and reached for Maura's arm, feeling a little taken aback when Maura flinched again.

Maura let out a shaky breath and straightened, fighting to compose herself. Just when Jane had begun to wonder if Maura would say a word, she turned to face her and their eyes locked intensely. After less than a second Maura dropped her gaze again, unable to maintain the contact, shaking her head. Finally her voice punctured the silence, weary, sad, 'My mother...' Jane watched helplessly as Maura fought to keep her emotions in check, '...was mugged last night, leaving the Isles Foundation Annual Benefit in Manhattan.'...she pressed her fingers to her mouth, working her jaw in an attempt to maintain her self-control and be strong despite the hard truth of what she was about to say,'She's been stabbed. She's been rushed to Mt. Sinai St Luke's hospital.'

Jane was stunned. For a moment she just stood open mouthed, trying to take it all in.

'Oh God, Maura. I'm so sorry.' She said, reaching out for Maura in an attempt to comfort her. Maura took a step back, her hands raised, her face set in warning, 'Don't.' She stated firmly, as Jane pulled back in shock. Maura saw the look of confusion and hurt in her friend's eyes and shook her head, her voice more gentle this time 'Please'. She lowered her hands and turned to resume her packing.

Jane knew Maura was suffering, but nevertheless she was stung by the rejection. When Maura was upset, she didn't like to be touched but she would usually let Jane comfort her. She was the exception. Jane took a moment to regroup. Maura had just had a terrible shock and her mind would be all over the place. Like always, Jane could see that her friend was trying to immerse herself in the practicalities, not giving herself time to process the realities. Jane moved into action now, more determined this time. She walked around the other side of the bed to face Maura, her voice calm but insistent.

'Maura. What can I do? Let me help you. Tell me what you need.'

'Jane. I'm fine.' Maura looked anything but fine, thrusting her clothes into the bag with no real thought or process. She hurried to the bathroom with Jane following, collecting her make-up bag and an arm full of random toiletries. Jane ran her hand through her hair, hand on hip, biting her bottom lip. Maura was in full automatic mode. Jane could see that Maura was just going through the motions, all her methodology, all of her attention to detail just swept aside as she just went into autopilot, tamping down her emotions as she tried to cope and manage without processing.

Jane stood by the door frame, monitoring her friend with increasing concern.

She approached carefully, her hands raised slightly as she pleaded with Maura. 'Let me help. Let me come with you. You don't have to do this on your own.'

Maura spun round, her arms full of toiletries, taken aback by Jane's close proximity to her. She drew her eyebrows together and straightened up, her face a mask, her eyes determined.

'You aren't listening to me, Jane!' She snapped, 'This is not your problem. Your responsibilities are here. Your job, your family, they are your priorities and Barry and Vince need you on this case. You need to find that boy and return him to his family.' Maura's cold, detached words cut through Jane like a knife. She felt like she was completely losing her grip on this whole conversation. Where was all of this coming from?

Jane growled and rubbing at her forehead in frustration, before stabbed her finger towards Maura, looking her right in the eyes, her voice rough with emotion, her throat tight, as she attempted once again to get through to her friend and convince her that she wanted to help. 'Maura. You...You are important to me. You are my priority.'

'No, Jane. I can take care of myself. You need to think about the case, your family...Casey.' Maura's eyes darted away quickly but not before Jane saw something flicker there, just for a moment.

'Mau-ra.' Jane drew out, 'Why are you being like this? I want to help.'

As Maura made to pull away again they were both startled by the ringing of Jane's cell. Jane straightened, raising her eyes heavenward in exasperation before unclipping her phone holster and answering the call. Their moment had passed. Maura brushed past her with her things and dropped them into the bag on the bed.

'Korsak?' she said, through gritted teeth, frustrated by the badly timed interruption. She quickly snapped back into 'detective mode' though and fully focussing on what the Sergeant had to say 'You've found the house? Where? Wait a minute'. She absorbing the news of the break in the case before her mind snapped back to the current crisis. She covered the phone with her hand and turned towards Maura, who was grabbing for nightwear and her underwear in the bedside cabinet.

Jane felt torn. She desperately wanted to be here for Maura but her need to close down this difficult case was also tugging at her. Jane's agonised for a few more moments, painfully aware that in Maura's case there seemed to be much more to it than her mother's mugging. Deep down Jane knew where she wanted to be, no matter how important the case was to her. She cast a pleading glance at her friend, her forehead creased as she tried one last time,

'Maur', whatever you need...'

'Jane, just go. I don't need your help.'

Maura couldn't even bring herself to look up at Jane because she couldn't bear to see how much her words had stung her friend. But it was better this way. She knew what she needed to do now. She would need to get used to being on her own once more: self-sufficient. Yet no matter how much her logical, scientific mind tried to convince her of the cold hard facts, everything within her was screaming for Jane, her comfort, her touch, her protection, her everything.

Jane stared at Maura, completely blind-sided by her dismissal. Maura's words had hit her hard. Jane felt the tears prick her eyes and brushed them impatiently away, biting her lower lip. She cleared her throat, then after gathering herself to speak, she uncovered her phone, 'I'll be right there, Korsak.' Her voice cracked, before returning the phone to her utility belt. She felt as if a huge gulf had just opened up between her and Maura and she was at a loss to understand how it had happened.

When Maura continued to ignore her, showing no sign of letting up on her packing exercise, Jane slowly turned towards the door. She pressed her palm to the door frame for a few beats before she sighed, dropping her head, and addressed her friend one more time.

'You can't stop me caring, Maura. I don't know why you are pushing me away but I am here for you. Please call me when you get to New York, just to let me know you are okay and to let me know how your mother is.' Jane let go of the door frame with her hand, and squared her shoulders, before walking reluctantly out of the bedroom and out of Maura's house without a backward glance.

Maura slowly slid down the wall and slumped to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. She let her head drop to her knees and pulled her arms around herself, trying to hold on to her last shred of composure, bracing herself as her whole body began to shake with emotion. It was a battle she soon lost as she let out an anguished animalistic wail that tore at the back of her throat and drew stinging tears to her eyes.

How could she claw her way out of this deep pit she found herself in? She wasn't sure how long she had sat there, wracked by shuddering sobs, her exhausted mind lurching erratically between her mother and Jane and back again until she could barely breathe through her panic. Too soon she heard the thunk of a car door and the sound of her door bell. The town car was here and she acknowledged with a further stab of anxiety that there was even more at stake here than losing Jane: with her mother now fighting for her life in a New York hospital, her nightmare might just be beginning.

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**A/N: Poor Jane and Maura. I found this one upsetting myself! But I wholeheartedly believe in happy endings. You know that, right?**

**Please, please, please fill out that little review box...(right a bit and down a bit) and let me know what you think! It makes me very happy!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**A/N.**

**Yay! I'm back with an update. I really do try to post quickly but it always takes me aaaagggeeessss to figure everything out and I need to make sure it's just right.**

**Thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews and support. It means so much that people care about this little story.**

**Thanks once again to Whitewave42, my wonderful and patient Beta (and therapist and cheerleader (pom poms not included) and encourager and great word suggester-er) for all of the fine-tuning, and actually, general tuning. Especially when she has been busy working 60 hour weeks and writing some fantastic stories of her own!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own them. Just messing with them. Don't make any money from them but I will take all of the reviews I can get...HINT!**

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'Ma, I've just only just got home. It's been a long day.' Jane sighed as she opened her apartment door to find her mother there, balancing several containers between her chin and her arm, having just rung the doorbell.

'Exactly, and I am here to make sure you eat something, Janie, because I know you won't have had a thing all day.' Angela bustled past Jane and towards the kitchen before she had a chance to argue.

'Why don't you come on in, Ma?' Jane drawled, with a dramatic flourish of her arms and a quirk of her eyebrows towards the retreating form of Angela. She closed the door and slumped against it wearily for a moment, massaging her temples, before pushing off and following her mother into the kitchen.

Angela eyed the flowers and champagne on the kitchen table. She was about to comment but a quick glance at Jane made her think better of it, moving them to one side before retrieving a couple of plates from the cupboard and some cutlery. She proceeded to plate up the lasagne for both of them as Jane slid onto one of the stools, rubbing the back of her aching neck and then tilted her head slowly from side to side, stretching out tense muscles. She let out a weary sigh and propping her elbows on the table, cradling her head in her hands.

Angela regarded her daughter intently, aware of all that had transpired in the last 24 hours and the toll it was so obviously taking on her. Angela knew that the kidnapping had been a difficult and upsetting case for Jane but it wasn't just the case that had brought her to Jane's apartment tonight and it wasn't even Casey's proposal that had her filling tupperware and driving across town. Instead, it was the obvious distress Jane was in when she returned to BPD headquarters after checking on Maura that morning. Angela had been shocked to hear the news about Constance but was even more concerned when she pressed her daughter about her meeting with Maura. Jane had struggled to maintain her composure when she confessed to her that Maura had refused her help.

'Eat!' Angela commanded, pushing a plate and fork towards her daughter, who lifted her head wearily, picking up the fork and peering up at her mother with tired but appreciative eyes, 'Thanks, Ma.'

'You did good today, Janie. Finding that young boy; giving him back to his mother. I know this case has been hard on you.' Angela reached for Jane's free hand and gave it a squeeze, waiting until Jane raised her eyes to meet hers before continuing, her tone serious, 'I'm proud of you, Jane.'

Jane searched her mother's face and knew she was speaking from the heart. Her eyes dropped to the table before she let her emotions overwhelm her after all that had transpired during the course of the day.

They ate the rest of the meal in silence. For once, it seemed that Angela recognised Jane's need to just be quiet and unwind after the rigours of the last few days and Jane loved her for it. Yes, sometimes her mother could be pushy and overbearing but it was times like this when her heart swelled, knowing that her mother was deliberately holding back for her sake, understanding that she just didn't have the physical or emotional reserves to carry a conversation.

Yet, despite her exhaustion, Jane could find no relief. Her mind was constantly pulling her back to Maura. How she managed to close the case down today was a miracle because she could hardly focus on anything beyond Maura and what had happened that morning. She just could not get the scene out of her head: Maura had refused her help, pushed her away, and had let her know in no uncertain terms that her presence was not wanted. All Jane had asked was for Maura to keep her posted of any progress, but despite numerous texts and a few phone calls that went straight to voice mail Jane had heard nothing. She was sick with worry for her friend and for Constance.

As the silence stretched on Jane's cell phone chimed abruptly with an incoming text, puncturing the silence. She fumbled with it in her pocket, almost dropping it before looking at the screen. Angela watched Jane's face fall as she read the text, before putting the phone back in her pocket with a sigh. Jane looked up at her mother's puzzled expression. 'I thought it was Maura.' she mumbled dejectedly.

'It might be a while before we hear any more about Constance, Jane. Like Maura said, she's heavily sedated and has lost a lot of blood.' Angela offered, giving Jane's hand a pat.

'Wait a minute! Maura called you?' Jane said incredulously, launching herself up from the stool.

'Yes…' Angela replied quizzically, confused by Jane's outburst, 'Wait. You mean she didn't call you today?'

'No! No she didn't! I've been texting her and calling her all day!' Jane's heart was thumping like a drum against her ribcage, 'When did she call you?' she pressed, unable to hide the hurt in her voice at the thought that Maura had called Angela, and had apparently deliberately bypassed her.

'It must have been just after lunch.' Angela said haltingly, seeing the impact this news had on her daughter.

Jane struggled to even articulate what she wanted to say, fighting to keep the rising feeling of nausea at bay 'Why didn't she call me? Why did she contact you? I've been worried sick and...Constance. Oh God, Maura...' Jane's voice caught as it fought to get past the lump in her throat. She felt physically sick, not just because of the news that Constance was in such a critical condition, but because she couldn't make sense of Maura's actions. So many emotions bubbled up inside her, fighting for dominance: hurt, frustration, even a sense of betrayal gnawed at her, twisting in her gut. Maura's rejection of her this morning had already left her reeling but the news of her contacting her mother instead of her was like a punch in the gut: it felt physically painful.

'Jane, she knew you were up to your neck in this case, plus she wanted to ask me to look after Bass for her…' Angela offered, trying to placate her, though her attempts to explain Maura's behaviour sounded like feeble excuses, even to her ears.

'No, Ma. It's not that.' Jane huffed, 'I just, I just don't know what is going on...I can't believe she would call you but she won't call me when I asked her to at least let me know how Constance was when she reached New York. Not only that, she knows I have been trying to get in contact with her all day and still nothing. I just don't understand.'

Jane was pacing her apartment now, upset and agitated by Angela's revelation. She rubbed impatiently at her eyes with the backs of her hands as they glistened with tears of frustration that she could no longer hold back.

Angela knew she had to tread very carefully here. It was tearing her up to see Jane so lost and confused and she knew she needed to say something. She also knew how difficult Jane found dealing with her feelings, particularly around other people. Ironically, the one person who she trusted, the one who she could open up to, was the one who was the cause of her pain.

Jane stopped pacing and took a few shuddering breaths. She pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut, determined to hold it together. Then, dropping her hand she fixed plaintive brown eyes on her mother's before she gathered herself to speak, her voice tremulous 'I don't know why she's pushing me away.'

Tentatively, Angela crossed the space between them and slowly gathered Jane's hands in her own, bringing them to her lips and kissing them tenderly. Jane's eyes flicked up to meet her mother's, finding comfort and compassion there.

'Ma.' she croaked, her voice wavering as more tears threatening to spill.

Angela let go of one of Jane's hands and tilted her head towards the lounge, 'Come on. Let's go sit.' Jane offered no resistance and allowed herself to be guided towards the couch. Angela tucked herself into the corner of the couch, gently tugging at Jane's hand until she sat down beside her. Jane sat rigidly at first, her body pulsing with tension, but after Angela allowed her a few moments to gather herself, she finally started to relax. She settled back, tucking her legs in beside her and nestling wearily against her mother, her head resting against the crook of her neck.

Angela put her arm around Jane's shoulder and pulled her close, before turning and gently kissing the top of her head. She sensed Jane had more to say and allowed the silence to stretch out, knowing that she would speak when she was ready. In the meantime, and despite her daughter's turmoil, she couldn't help but savour this rare moment of intimacy.

Finally, Jane spoke, 'I want to be there for her, but she made it very clear this morning that she doesn't want or need my help.' Her weary eyes fluttered shut and she let out a breath, 'It hurts, ma.'

Angela tilted her head down towards Jane, reaching out and lifting Jane's chin gently with her fingers, forcing her to meet her steady gaze. 'Jane.' She said, affectionately, 'Of course she needs you…That's just it.'

'What do you mean?' Jane questioned, shifting her position to face her mother.

Angela's eyes locked with Jane's, intense and serious, 'Can't you see, Jane? Maura needs you…So very much. More than you know. But just think about it, have you ever known Maura put her needs above yours? Has she ever tried to come between you and your job or between you and Casey? Has Maura ever asked anyone for anything?'

Jane was shaking her head now, her reply insistent, 'But I asked her. I…I told her. I offered to go with her…I gave her every opportunity.'

'Jane, she's protecting herself!' Angela pressed.

'Protecting herself from what?' Jane retorted.

Angela took in the Jane's look of confusion and sighed. She grasped Jane's hands firmly and held her gaze, 'Losing you.'

Jane straightened, pulling her hands out of Angela's grasp 'She isn't losing me!' She prodded the couch with her finger, emphasising her point, 'I'm right here. She'll always have me.'

'How? How will she always have you, Jane? All she sees is a ring on your finger and a fiance who wants you to leave Boston!' Angela demanded, raising her voice. She hadn't wanted to sound so harsh but she needed to try and make Jane see sense.

'But I haven't decided anything yet!' Jane shouted in exasperation.

'And what is she supposed to do with that, Jane? Don't you see? She's preparing herself for the worst. These last three years you two have become inseparable and now she is facing a life with you in another city…or another continent.' Angela took Jane's face in her hands, forcing her to make eye contact. Jane resisted for a moment before finally looking up.

'Of course she needs you. She _loves_ you.' Angela searched Jane's face for any flicker of realisation, but Jane just looked resolute.

'I love her too, Ma!' Jane responded without hesitation, her voice insistent.

Angela sighed in frustration, realising her daughter just still didn't get it.

'What do you _want_, Jane?' She spelled out, carefully.

Jane slumped back against the couch, head in hands, 'I don't know, Ma' she said through gritted teeth. Silence hung between them again whilst Angela considered her next words carefully.

'Jane.' Angela said eventually, making her daughter's eyes snap up to meet hers, 'Maura has made decisions without you. She's pushed you away and rejected your help and look at you! It's tearing you apart. I can think of countless times over the years that Casey has shut you out and made decisions without you but it hasn't upset you like this.'

Jane shook her head, her opinion clear on this, 'Yes but this is different. Maura and me are supposed to work through things together! It's always been that way. She's my best friend, Ma. I would do anything for her! Anything! And it just…' she choked on the words, struggling to compose herself before continuing, her voice strained 'upsets me that she refuses to let me help her. We're supposed to be there for each other.'

'Exactly.' Angela declared. She put her hand on Jane's knee and ducked her head until she could fix her eyes on Jane's before she continued, 'And can't you see that she's trying to prepare for a time when you won't be there for her, Jane?'

Jane's jaw hung open, trying to think of something to say but no words came, she had no response to Angela's statement, realising that throughout her own confusion about her future, she hadn't given Maura enough reassurance. The thought also came to her, unbidden and unwelcome, that she was fooling herself if she thought nothing would change between them if she chose Casey.

That truth settled uneasily in her mind and she angrily pushed it aside, not wanting to dwell on it now. There was so much to process and she was so exhausted. But she couldn't deny that what her mother was saying made sense. Until now, all Jane could see was Maura's rejection; she hadn't taken the time to consider what was really going on inside her friend. Jane realised now that she had allowed herself to be driven by her emotions rather than trusting in their friendship. Did she really believe that Maura could just turn their friendship off like flipping a switch? She felt so confused but so exhausted that she was finding it hard to think rationally. Everything in her was screaming for her to go to New York but still she felt stung by Maura's rejection. But what if her mother was right and Maura was putting distance between them to protect herself because she was so worried about losing her?

Angela sensed that Jane needed time to think and didn't want to push her any more than she already had. She knew from bitter experience that Jane wasn't a person to be pushed or coaxed, instead she needed to work things out for herself. Angela patting Jane's knee and rose to her feet, 'I need a coffee. You want one?'

Jane rubbed her eyes, as if the mention of coffee had suddenly reminding her how exhausted she felt. 'Yeah. Thanks.' She replied, her eyes following her mother as she wandered back towards the kitchen.

Jane swung her legs around and planted her feet on the floor, perching tiredly on the edge of the couch. She rested her elbows on her thighs and dropped her head into her hands, fingers thrust into her hair. She blew out a breath, her mind was roiling with all that her mother had said to her.

She tried to rationalise her mother's observation about how differently she responded when it was Maura, not Casey, pushing her away. Having someone point it out to her was an uncomfortable experience because she herself couldn't explain why she was so affected by Maura's rejection of her offers of help.

No, there was no use dwelling on it now. She could hardly think straight and despite her mother's explanations for Maura's behaviour she was still hurt by her friend choosing to contact her mother instead of contacting her directly.

She pushed the snarled tangle of thoughts to the back of her mind. There was no point trying to make any decisions tonight and Korsak had insisted Jane take the day off tomorrow. So, despite how worried she was about Constance and the toll it was taking on Maura she determined that it would be better to deal with it all in the morning after sleeping on it.

As Angela clattered around in the kitchen, Jane began to get restless, bouncing her knees up and down. She started rubbing her hands impatiently down her trouser legs, not wanting to start rifling through all of her muddled thoughts.

Finally, desperate for something to occupy her hands and her mind, she reached across for the pile of mail and absently started to flip through it. She cast aside a few official looking envelopes before she came across a larger, thicker, reinforced envelope with a red 'Do not bend' notice stamped on it. She tore open the seal and slid out its contents...another envelope and a certificate.

Jane held it up and examined it carefully, despite how churned up she was about all that had happened she couldn't help an amused snort, unable to keep a smile from tugging at her lips.

'This certificate is awarded to Jane Rizzoli for passing her Need for Speed Track Day Challenge.'

Last month she had finally been able to use the Track Day voucher and driving boots Maura had presented to her on her birthday. She had been so overwhelmed by Maura's thoughtful gift, and the fact that Maura knew that this would be perfect for her. Wonderful, kind, generous, caring Maura. Her throat constricted and the words on the certificate started to blur as her eyes welled with tears. For a moment she let them spill unchecked down her cheeks.

The sudden surge of emotions Jane felt were fierce, brutal and overwhelming in their intensity, squeezing the air from her lungs. Before she knew it she was on her feet, snatching up Jo's leash and heading for the door, much to the surprise of Angela who was making her way over to the couch, two mugs of coffee in her hands.

'Jane? What's going on? Where are you going?' She said, setting the mugs down on the console table and turning to face her daughter who was already fumbling to attach the leash to the collar of her excited pet.

'I need to get some air. I need to clear my head…I'm sorry, Ma.' Angela was at a loss as to why Jane needed to leave in such a hurry.

'But Jane, your drink.' She called after her daughter who was already out of the door and heading down the stairs.

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The fresh air and the walk did Jane the world of good, giving her the distraction she needed to regain her composure and clear her head. By the time Jane returned to her apartment her mother had already left. She unclipped Jo's leash and wandered into the kitchen, grabbing herself a beer from the fridge before making her way to the couch, Jo Friday hot on her heels. As she settled onto the couch her eyes were immediately drawn to the coffee table, noticing that her laptop had been switched on. Before she could check it out her attention was caught by something else.

There, resting on top of the Track Day certificate were half a dozen photographs that had been removed from the envelope that came with it. 'Ma.' Jane sighed, with a shake of her head. Her curiosity piqued, and feeling calmer after her walk, she grasped the photos and settled back into the couch.

The photographs were part of the package Maura had paid for, capturing her driving experience. Jane examined each in turn, smiling faintly at the pleasant memories they invoked.

The first was a dimple cheeked Jane standing in front of the gleaming sports car, grinning at the camera. She was kitted out in her driving gear, complete with her new racing boots, helmet under her arm. Her obvious glee reminded her that it really had been a fantastic day. The next was a shot of her sitting in the driver's seat looking determined and ready for a lap on her own. The next was of an exuberant Jane standing on the podium holding up the cup she had won for fastest lap time, cheered on by the participants and their guests. The next...

_The next..._

She didn't recall this photograph being taken as it was a more candid close-up shot of all of the track day participants and their guests seated in the spectators gallery watching the instructors go through a breathtaking driving demonstration at the end of the day. Jane was leaning forward, hands clasped in front of her, wide eyed with fascination. Every face was looking beyond the camera at the showcase of driving skills that was happening on the track. That is, every face but one...

There, a few seats away from the participants, was Maura. Unlike the others, her attention wasn't grabbed by the spectacle happening out on the track but instead was drawn to something else, her gaze focusing intently and completely on someone else...Jane.

Jane's breath caught and her heart thudded in her chest as she stared at the photograph. She could feel the sound of her own breathing, loud in her ears. Her whole being felt like it was being pulled towards the photograph and the expression on Maura's face. So much was reflected in Maura's unguarded look...Yet she felt like she was noticing it for the first time. She felt a flutter in the pit of her stomach and a warmth start to bloom in her chest. She let out a breath and swallowed thickly, swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand before staring at the photograph one more time. She started to flick back through the other photographs again. She looked for Maura in the crowd around the podium and her throat constricted as she saw Maura, her hands a blur of clapping, grinning widely at Jane...With a look, a look of what? Pride? Affection. Something more?

Everything seemed to collide in Jane's mind all at once. Suddenly she wondered how she could be sitting here in her apartment in Boston when Constance was fighting for her life in a New York hospital with Maura facing it alone. She snatched up the photo wallet, noticing as she did so a note stuck to the large envelope beneath in her mother's handwriting. She didn't understand it at first until she glanced across at the laptop screen, when it all made sense. They were flight numbers…For New York…

Jane practically fell over the coffee table in her scramble to get to her feet. Her thoughts were in turmoil but she was clear about one thing, she needed to get to New York; she needed to be with Maura.

Just at that moment, Jane's laptop blared into life with a persistent ringing that Jane recognised all too well, causing her to freeze in panic, her indecision suddenly roaring its way back into the forefront of her mind.

_Casey._

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**Dun Dun daaaaaaaah!**

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	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**A/N. I'm back and it was a fairly quick turn around for me (1.5 weeks)!**

**Thanks again for all of your follows and reviews and for supporting my story.**

**Thanks to the marvellous Whitewave42 for her advice, support and superb Beta skills!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own them. Don't make money from them. Just messing with them.**

**Any medical inaccuracies are all my fault.**

**Enjoy and please let me know what you think.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_**Earlier that day…**_

When Maura finally touched down at LaGuardia Airport she placed a call to Constance's Personal Assistant, Beth Irving, who had insisted on staying at the hospital. News about her mother's condition had been sketchy as Maura had yet to hear from the medical team directly and Beth's access to information about Constance was limited as she was not the next of kin. What she did know had done nothing to dispel her rising sense of dread: her mother had gone into cardiac arrest in transit to the hospital; she had lost a lot of blood and she was still in the operating theatre.

By the time the town car pulled up outside Mount Sinai hospital, Manhattan, it was almost noon and Maura was frantic with worry. Her usual coping mechanisms and ability to rationalise situations and keep things in perspective had proved hopelessly inadequate in the aftermath of the last 24 hours which had left her physically and emotionally spent.

Too much thinking time was dangerous, and being alone with her thoughts for the last three hours in her current emotional state meant that she easily succumbed to letting her mind wander, mostly to scenarios that were all far too terrible to contemplate. Every time she tried to calm herself down and remain focussed she was hit by the realisation that she had already made certain erroneous assumptions in her life…That her friendship with Jane was unshakeable and her mother was unbreakable. The thought of losing Jane was a devastating one but if something happened to her mother...

Maura had tried desperately to push her earlier conversation with Jane to the back of her mind. She knew that her rejection of all Jane's offers of help had left her friend confused and upset. Yet, the only way Maura could see herself getting through all of this was if she began to regain some of her independence and put some distance between them physically and emotionally. In doing so, she hoped that it would go some way towards easing the pain she would feel when Jane inevitably left.

This plan became all the more difficult throughout the morning as she received several texts from Jane asking after her and Constance and a voice message which she couldn't even bring herself to listen to, let alone respond to. She knew she was being a coward but, again, if she had any hope of getting over Jane and moving on then she had to start somewhere.

Nevertheless, it was with a heavy heart that she made the decision to call Angela to update her on her mother's condition, deliberately bypassing Jane. It felt as uncomfortable to her as telling a lie. In fact, when Angela picked up the phone and Maura began to share the news it felt like a betrayal of her friend and much to her shock, she felt the rush of blood in her ears and could feel the telltale prickle of hives as the familiar flush of heat spread up her chest and throat.

Maura's thoughts snapped back to the present and after accepting her overnight bag from her driver, she gathered herself, taking a calming breath before darting towards the glass doors of the main hospital entrance and disappearing inside.

The atrium was a hive of frantic activity as medics and nurses seemingly lurched from one crisis to the next, causing Maura's anxiety to ratchet up a few more notches. Her palms were sweaty and she felt the uncomfortable thud of her pounding heart against her ribcage, her pulse racing. Suddenly, she saw Beth's familiar face amidst the throng of people and raised her hand to attract her attention. Beth turned and spotted her. She looked pale and exhausted, which startled Maura, being so accustomed to her usually bright and cheerful demeanour. Beth crossed the floor towards her friend and pulled her into a fierce hug. Maura allowed herself to be held, dropping her bag to the floor and returned the strong embrace as if it might somehow help to hold her together. She bit back the tears as she wrestled with the surge of emotions that had kept tightly bound during the entire journey from Boston. She willed herself to stay in control despite Beth being one of the few people who she could be herself around: their families having been close growing up and with Beth being involved with the Isles Foundation for many years. Maura held onto her tightly; the anchor she needed until she could gather herself to speak. Finally, she pulled back from the embrace to grasp Beth's arms and looked up to meet the steady and compassionate green-eyed gaze of her friend, her eyes still glistening with unshed tears.

'Maura. I'm so sorry,' Beth faltered, her voice tight from the emotional toll of the last few hours.

Beth's appearance was testimony enough to the terrible events of the 12 hours. Her usually flawless complexion was marred with dirt and her mascara was smudged: a telltale sign of the tears she had evidently shed in the aftermath of the ordeal. Beneath the hospital blanket she had around her shoulders, the figure-hugging, strapless blue satin gown was crumpled and stained with blood. The brunette's hair, which must have been skilfully pinned in an 'up-do' for the Benefit, was now in disarray, waves of it spilling onto her shoulders.

'Beth.' She breathed, her eyes still moist, 'You look exhausted. Thank you so much for staying.' She gave her arms an appreciative squeeze before letting go and continuing, 'Is there any more news?' Maura searched Beth's face for any clues as to the current state of her mother's health.

Beth sighed and regarded Maura wearily, 'I'm afraid not. She wasn't admitted until 2am. As you know, she arrested on the way in and it took a while to stabilise...', Beth words caught in her throat and she lifted a shaky hand to her mouth and blinked back tears as she struggled to compose herself. Somehow, saying it out loud made it sound all the more shocking. She shook her head apologetically, 'I'm sorry'. Maura dropped her eyes, giving herself a moment to absorb Beth's words, waiting patiently while Beth gathered herself and let out a shuddering breath before continuing, 'She lost a lot of blood...As far as I know she is still in the operating room. Now that you are here they should be able to give you more details. Come on, I'll take you down to the desk and you can speak to one of the staff yourself.' Beth picked up Maura's bag and indicated for her to follow her down towards the Emergency Room reception desk.

As they made their way along the brightly lit corridor that led off from the main entrance Maura questioned Beth, 'Has anyone been able to contact my father yet?'

'I'm afraid not. They don't have a satellite phone in the village he travelled to yesterday so they can't contact him until he returns to Nairobi at the end of the week. There's a small chance they could get a message to him via one of the supply planes as they are planning on dropping some medical equipment for his team tomorrow, but there are no guarantees.' Maura knew her father would feel so guilty when he eventually got the news, but perhaps by the time they could establish radio contact with him they would have something more optimistic to tell him.

The Emergency Room was chaotic: a road traffic accident had the whole department on alert and the paramedics had just sped through the doors with several gurneys before they were manoeuvred down the various corridors to be examined by the awaiting medics. Maura and Beth waited patiently at the desk behind several other anxious relatives, desperate for news on the status of their loved ones.

Maura considered how many times she had found herself on the wrong side of the desk waiting anxiously for news about those she loved. How many times had she paced the waiting room of an ER or laid uncomfortably along one of the hospital benches wondering if Jane, Frankie or her mother would be alright? Yes, the location might be different, but here she was again, powerless to influence the outcome of the next few hours while her mother's life was in the hands of those who could.

Finally, the nurse on reception addressed Maura, 'Can I help you?' she asked as she tapped a few keys on her computer keyboard, her eyes focused intently on the screen before she flicked them up to regard the two women.

'Yes, thank you. Constance Isles was brought in early this morning. I would like to know if you can give me any further information about her condition or if there is a member of the medical team assigned to her who would be able to come and speak to me.'

'Are you a relative, ma'am?' the nurse continued in a sterile tone, as if reading from a well-worn script.

'Yes, my name is Dr Maura Isles, I'm her daughter.' The nurse gave a small nod before clicking through a few screens on her computer.

'Isles...Isles...Ah, here we are, Constance Isles. Can you please confirm her date of birth for me?'

'23rd April 1947.' Maura recited.

'Let's see.' The nurse paused as she read through the notes on screen before looking up, 'It looks like she's still in theatre. Dr. Beckmann is her attending surgeon. I'm afraid we won't have any more news until she is out of surgery. I will make a note in the system that you are here, Dr Isles, and ask him to come and speak to you directly.'

'Thank you, Nurse Galloway,' Maura said gratefully, noting her name badge.

The nurse rewarded her with a warm smile this time, 'I'm not sure how long it will be before she is out of surgery, Dr Isles. There's a waiting room down there on your left with a few drink and snack machines, or you can go further down the corridor to the cafeteria. Let me take your mobile number so we can let you know when Dr Beckmann is on his way.' Maura unzipped her purse and pulled out one of her business cards, handing it to the nurse before she tapped the numbers into the system.

Maura moved away from the desk and turned to Beth, a look of concern on her face, 'I really appreciate you being here for us, Beth, but you must be exhausted. Why don't you go back to your hotel and get some rest?'

'Yes, I am tired. It's been a long night,' Beth confessed with a sigh, before she reached out and grasped Maura's hands in hers, fixing her with a reassuring gaze, 'But there's no way I'm leaving you here on your own. I'll stay here you until we have more news, Maura.' The ME saw the look of determination on Beth's face and was touched by her offer of support. She certainly needed a friend right now and the thought of being on her own as she waited for further news filled her with dread.

'Thank you, Beth. If you're sure, then I would really appreciate it if you stayed.' Maura squeezed her hands, smiling wearily before letting go as they turned to make their way down the corridor towards the café.

After catching up with each other's news over a much needed meal and a cup of coffee, Maura and Beth returned to the waiting area. They hadn't been back long when the double doors leading down to operating suite swung open, causing Maura's head to jerk up in surprise. She untucked her legs and rose stiffly from the easy chair as Beth walked back from the nearby vending machine, placing a reassuring hand at the small of her back. Maura didn't flinch. Instead, she felt grateful that she wasn't alone, yet the contact caused her thoughts to snap to Jane for a forbidden moment, wishing it was her by her side as she braced herself for the news. She pushed the thought away. Jane had other priorities.

Dr Beckmann, the attending surgeon strode purposefully across the linoleum, tugging off his surgical mask and removing his cap as he did so. He stopping a few feet in front of Maura, grasping his surgical cap in his hands. 'Dr Isles?' he queried, his tall frame requiring him to dip his head to meet her gaze. His face looked weary after hours of surgery but neutral enough to give Maura no clue as to whether he was the bearer of good news or if he could within moments deal her a devastating blow. Afraid that the answer might well be hidden somewhere in his grey green eyes her gaze dropped quickly to his hands. She observed the long fingers and neatly clipped nails, the way the tendons and muscles shifted beneath the tanned skin as he gripped his surgical cap. Were these hands of a surgeon who's skill was enough to save her mother, she wondered?

'Yes?' she said, her eyes meeting his once more, clearing her throat when the word came out falteringly.

Dr Beckmann looked from Maura to Beth before focusing his attention on Maura.

'Dr Isles. Your mother had a close call last night but she's certainly a fighter. She sustained a very serious stab wound to her abdomen, which penetrated her stomach and spleen and severed an artery. It was the quick thinking of Miss Irving here, who applied pressure to the wound until the paramedics arrived, that undoubtedly saved your mother's life.' Maura twisted her head to regard her friend, grabbing her hand to wordlessly convey her gratitude.

Dr Beckmann continued, 'As you know, she crashed on the way in and she lost a lot of blood, which required a transfusion. It took us a long time to locate the source of the bleeding and although we were able to repair the tear in her stomach, her spleen was too badly damaged and we had no choice but to remove it. She's heavily sedated now and we will probably keep her sedated for some time to give her body time to recover from the trauma and the lengthy and complicated surgery she's had to undergo.' He paused for a moment before he continued, his tone more serious, 'This was a close call, Dr Isles, and we aren't out of the woods yet. Although she's stable, her condition remains critical and we will need to keep her under close observation and monitor her vitals for the next 24 hours at least.'

Maura felt unsteady, raising a shaky hand to her throat as it constricted painfully. She felt the familiar prickle of tears and clamped her eyes shut, taking a few calming breaths to try and regulate her breathing. The stark truth of how close she had come to losing her mother and the reality that she was still not out of danger were suffocating. Beth, sensing the shift in Maura's demeanour, moved closer and tightened her grip around her waist, grounding her by gently rubbing her free hand up and down her arm reassuringly. The gesture helped to settle Maura's racing heart. For a fleeting moment Maura wished so fervently that it was Jane by her side, that it was Jane's strong arm holding her steady. But she chased those futile thoughts away and allowed the warmth of Beth's arm around her waist to provide comfort, the touch of her hand on her arm to soothe her, Beth's presence to sustain her.

Suddenly the need to see her mother for herself became overwhelming, dragging Maura's thoughts back to the present as she turned to address the surgeon, 'Please can I see her, Dr Beckmann?' Her eyes betrayed the urgency of her request.

'She should have been transferred to one of our high dependency suites by now. Please come with me and I will take you down there myself.' He signalled towards the door from which he had emerged earlier. He tilted his head towards Beth, his tone apologetic, 'I'm afraid for the moment we can only allow immediate family down there, I'm sorry Miss Irving.'

Beth nodded in understanding and turned towards Maura.

'I'll go back to the hotel, Maura. But if there is anything you need, anything at all, then please just give me a call, okay? I'm only a few blocks from here so it's not a problem.'

Maura shook her head lightly, before grateful eyes flicked up to meet those of her friend 'Beth. You've done so much already. My mother owes you her life' She said, her voice breaking, her throat thick with tears. Maura, clamped down her jaw before she was able to continue, 'Thank you. For everything.' She pulled Beth into a tight embrace before stepping back to giving her a grateful smile. Maura watched as Beth made her way towards the reception to call a cab, before turning to face Dr Beckmann, who had been waiting patiently for her by the double doors.

Maura followed the surgeon down towards the high dependency unit with trepidation, knowing that once she saw her mother for herself what had so far seemed like some terrible waking dream would instead become a brutal reality. Her heart hammered in her chest and her breathing seemed unnaturally loud in her ears as she finally reached the room.

The surgeon paused and turned to address the ME, his eyes compassionate, 'I'll leave you here, Dr Isles. I've finished my surgical list for today and I will be around for the next few hours so if you have any concerns just get a member of the medical team here to page me.'

'Thank you, Dr Beckmann.' Maura inclined her head towards him, and managed a small smile of appreciation, before she turned, squared her shoulders, and pushed through the door and into her mother's room.

Nothing could have prepared Maura for the scene that awaited her on the other side of the door. Although she knew what to expect in terms of medical equipment: the beeping of the machine monitoring her vitals; the morphine infusion pump; the various wires and tubes attached to her body, it was the sight of her mother looking so unlike herself that caused her breath to catch in her throat and spill into a sob. Maura quickly covered her mouth with a trembling hand to stifle the sound which seemed too loud in a room where her mother was so still. So quiet.

She wasn't sure how long she stood rooted to the spot, shaking her head sadly as her eyes absorbed the sight of her mother, her skin deathly pale and almost translucent. She looked so vulnerable. So fragile. But what was it that disturbed her the most about 'this' Constance? Was it that her body seemed so slight now that she was stripped of the layers of stylish clothes and beautiful jewellery or was it that the arms that had the strength to push her out of the path of an oncoming vehicle not long ago suddenly seemed so frail, her fingers so delicate?

Maura let her hand drop from her mouth as she drifted over to her mother's bed, unable to take her eyes off her. She perched on the edge of a nearby chair and reached across the bed for her mother's hand, already bruised from the IV line which was taped in place. She gently cradled it between her own hands, shocked by how cool the skin felt against the warmth of her own. She held onto her mother as tightly as she dared so she could feel connected to her, bound to her, before dipping her head to brush gentle kisses across her hand.

In that moment the possibility of losing her mother seemed all too real and more than she could bear. She couldn't lose her too. She fought back the tears until her body trembled. She let her head drop onto their clasped hands 'Please mother, don't leave me,' she croaked, her voice breaking over the words. Finally, she came undone, her breath coming in ragged sobs, painful and raw, her tears flowing freely until she could cry no more, exhaustion pulling her into a fitful sleep.

Maura wasn't sure how much time had passed when she was roused by the sound of her phone vibrating in her pocket. She lifted her head from the bed and sucked in a breath as the sudden movement caused it to throb painfully. She cradled her head in her hand until the throbbing subsided before rubbing her eyes and pulling out her phone, the color draining from her face as she read the message:

_Maura, I'm flying out there. We need to talk. J._

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**A/N.**

**What do we think of Beth?**

**As always, please let me know what you think. Your reviews and thoughts and ideas are greatly appreciated.**

**I have lot to figure out for these next few chapters and many of you will realise it takes me a while to squeeze out a chapter. All I can say is 'As soon as I can write it, I will post it.' I am really committed to this story and I am so sorry that it can take me longer than some writers to update. I understand your frustration...but my life is super busy at the moment and I am still fairly new to this fanfic writing business so it takes me a bit more time to create it!**

**Thank you for all of you who have stuck with me on this little journey.**

**Hopefully the chapters I post will be worth the wait.**

**Thank you very, very much!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Author's Note:**

**I am so sorry for the time between updates. I knew this one would take a while but I didn't anticipate having serious family health dramas to deal with as well (which we are thankfully emerging from).**

**Thanks for those who have been patient enough to stick with me!**

**This chapter was a tough one for some reason, so I am indebted to Whitewave42 for her spot-on Beta skills which were spookily in tune with what I needed to do to fix some of my words and ideas. Believe me, you would still be waiting for an update if it weren't for her awesome skills.**

**As always, let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Rizzoli &amp; Isles characters and I'm not making a profit from them but the new character in this chapter is mine and I'm keeping her!**

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_Maura. I'm flying out there. We need to talk. J._

Maura's felt light-headed. She stared at her phone, still a little disoriented after her sleep, and tried to process what Jane's message meant. As she began to wake up, her mind became crowded with questions that demanded answers. When was Jane flying out? What did she want to talk about? Was this the moment she had been dreading?

She tried to focus, willing herself to remain calm as she felt her heart begin to pound uncomfortably in her chest. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to collect herself. She couldn't deal with Jane now. Her mother needed her. She needed to be here for her. Maura forced all thoughts of Jane to the back of her mind and turned her attention to her mother. Relief washed over her as she noted how much better her mother looked. Gone was the waxy pallor; instead she seemed to have much more colour in her cheeks and looked more like herself, illuminated by the warm glow of sunlight that diffused through the nearby window. Maura settled back into the chair with a relieved sigh as some of the tension drained from her body: grateful for the first sign of improvement since she arrived.

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Maura's wasn't sure how long she had been curled up in the chair beside her mother when her cell phone chimed with another text message. Hesitantly, she peered at the screen. This time it was from Beth.

_Maura. I'm down at the nurse's desk. How is Constance? How are you doing?_

Maura smiled, grateful for Beth's support, before it occurred to her that if Beth was back at the hospital she must have dozed off again. Checking her watch she was surprised to see that it was already after 8pm. She'd been asleep for hours. She glanced at her mother and checked the readings on the various monitors before quickly sending Beth a reply.

_Mother seems stable. Give me ten minutes and I'll come down to meet you._

Maura cast her eyes around the room and noted that there was an en-suite. She reached over and gave her mother's hand a gentle squeeze before rising from the chair, brushing out the wrinkles in her skirt and making her way over to the adjoining room. Maura leaned against the sink before looking up. The harsh fluorescent lighting in the room did not flatter the image she saw staring back at her in the mirror. Her face was pale: dark rings under her eyes. She had certainly looked better, she mused. She leaned in closer and gently rubbed away the mascara smudges under her eyes before she ran her fingers through her hair and shook it out. She pinched her cheeks to try and bring come colour back to them. Then gripping the sink, she dipped her head again and closing her eyes with a sigh, still feeling so weary from all that had happened over the past few days. Then, straightening, she stared at her reflection, her brow creased as her thoughts turned once more from her mother to her life back in Boston and to Jane.

So much had changed in the last 4 years. _She_ had changed. Growing up she had quickly learned that it was safer not to depend on anyone: to fend for herself, make her own choices. But then, slowly but surely, Jane had gotten past every wall, every defence that Maura had carefully erected over the years. Now she was so tightly bound to Jane, connected to her, and not just to her but the entire Rizzoli family. So much so that going back to how things were before Jane entered her life seemed inconceivable. Jane had opened up a whole new world to her. She had moved from existing to living; from isolation to belonging. Little by little Maura had learned to trust Jane. She'd made herself vulnerable, given so much of herself, holding nothing back. In the beginning she was so careful, worried that like so many others that had entered her life it would lead to heartache and disappointment.

In the early days of their friendship she had panicked from time to time and attempted to pull back for fear of getting hurt, but as her friendship with Jane deepened, that became impossible. Every time she tried to keep her distance and protect herself she just found that she needed Jane too much. She couldn't pull back if she tried. She had trusted Jane with her heart and she had allowed herself to believe that this time it was different and Jane needed her just as much as she needed Jane. Then Casey came along and the gradual shift in their friendship, culminating in his proposal, proved that she was wrong. Again.

Now she wondered if the connection that tied her to Jane could be severed without losing a piece of herself…Like conjoined twins, finally separated after years of being intertwined but unable to survive once the bond was broken: sharing so much between them that existing separately was impossible.

She shook her head. She would never let this happen again. It was too painful. She scrunched her eyes shut, frustrated with herself that yet again her thoughts had been pulled back to Jane while her mother lay in the next room, battered, bruised, broken.

Just then Maura heard someone entering the room. Was Jane here? She tensed, hardly daring to breathe, listening carefully for any clues as to who might be on the other side of the door. Maura wasn't sure how long she stood in rigid silence, heart pounding, before she finally summoned the courage to move. She gathered herself and pushed the door open and entered the room.

The portly black nurse who had been checking her mother's vitals let out a cry of alarm, startled by Maura's sudden appearance. 'You scared me half to death,' the flustered nurse gasped, her hand on her ample chest.

'Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.' Maura apologised, breathing a sigh of relief before crossing the room to stand beside the bed, stroking her mother's hand. 'I'm Dr Maura Isles,' she looked down at her mother, before regarding the nurse once more, 'her daughter.'

The nurse, now recovered from her initial shock, tilted her head towards Maura and smiled warmly, 'Ahh. I thought you might be, I came in earlier and you were out for the count so I didn't disturb you. Nice to meet you Dr Isles. I'm Nurse Carling, but you can call me Gloria. I'll be taking care of your mother until morning. She had a close call last night, real close, but we are going to take good care of her.' She bustled around the bed, checking the various lines and monitor screens and recording her findings in the patient notes.

'How do you think she is doing…Gloria?' Maura asked warily, settling into the bedside chair as the nurse continued to scribble in the notes. Gloria stopped writing and regarded Maura for a moment, her eyes kind, before looking down at Constance and gently placing a hand on her shoulder.

'Well, she's been through quite an ordeal and a lengthy operation, but so far, so good. She's stable. Her heart rate, blood pressure and temperature are all good. Nothing out of the ordinary.' She patted Constance's shoulder before clasping the patient notes to her chest. She met Maura's gaze once more, a smile lighting up her face, her eyes twinkling, '…and I like ordinary, Dr Isles. Ordinary is good.'

Maura couldn't help but mirror the smile, feeling the nurse's words soothe her like a calming poultice. 'Thank you, Gloria.' She said, rising to her feet.

'Now, if you don't mind me saying so, Dr Isles, you look like you could do with some looking after yourself. I like to think my role extends to looking out for the friends and family too. No extra charge,' she said, her eyes crinkling. Maura's posture relaxed some more and she found herself chuckling, the nurse's good humour contagious.

'So.' Gloria put down the notes and turned to face Maura, fixing her with a penetrating gaze, hand on hip. 'When did you last eat something? Drink something? You look like you are ready to drop.'

Maura raised her hands in mock defence, eye's dancing, enjoying the light-hearted banter which was much needed, 'I was just about to go and get something to eat. Honestly.'

'That so?' Gloria placed her hands on both hips, staring even more intently at Maura whilst trying to keep a straight face.

Maura chuckled, just as her cell phone chimed with another text from Beth. She looked at the phone and then waved it at Gloria triumphantly, 'See? I'm being called down to the cafeteria right now!'

'Well, good! Because if you are going to be taking care of this lady here, you need to be taking care of yourself!'

Maura picked up her purse before backing towards the door, raising a hand in submission, her eyes trained on Gloria, 'I'm going…' she said reasonably, before spinning on her heel and walking away.

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Jane rounded the corner that led towards the nurse's desk at the entrance to the ICU, having been directed there by the staff at the information desk when she finally arrived at Mount Sinai hospital after her flight. They had already explained that only family members were allowed to see Constance but she was determined to see her somehow. Jane slowed as she spotted two police officers speaking to the nurse behind the desk.

'Mrs. Isles is down in Room 2, but I'm afraid I can't let you see her.' The nurse explained, looking sternly from one officer to another over the top of her reading glasses.

'It's important we try and get a statement. Any idea how long it'll be before we can speak to her?' The younger officer pressed impatiently, his hand resting on the gun that was holstered in his utility belt.

'Look, I know you are only trying to do your job, but Mrs Isles sustained a serious injury last night which caused extensive damage. We need to monitor her closely for the next 24 hours and she is still heavily sedated so there is no possibility of seeing her this evening, I'm afraid.' The phone on the desk began to ring, 'You'll have to excuse me, officers. Try calling back tomorrow'. She turned to take the call.

Whilst the nurse was occupied and the officers were debating what to do next, Jane took the opportunity to slip past the desk and make her way down the corridor. She felt nauseous: hearing the nurse explain the seriousness of Constance's condition filled her with a sense of dread. Her heart was pounding as she made her way towards the ICU, suddenly feeling nervous about seeing Constance for herself, not to mention her rising sense of anticipation at the thought of seeing Maura again soon. She couldn't imagine what Maura must be going through right now and she subconsciously picked up her pace as she neared the suite. She was relieved that she didn't attract the attention of any of the staff, who appeared to be too busy to take any notice of her. Plus, she was still wearing her work clothes which she reasoned would make her seem less conspicuous.

Once in the wing that housed the ICU, Jane followed the signs towards the patient rooms, counting down the door numbers until she finally reached her destination. Jane hesitated, her pulse quickening, before she approached the room cautiously, not sure what to expect.

The first thing Jane noticed as she stared through the window into Constance's room was that she was alone. Jane let out a relieved breath, realising as she did that she wasn't feeling ready to see Maura just yet. She placed her hand against the window frame, letting her head drop, gathering herself for a moment before lifting her head once more to take in the scene. She felt a lump form in her throat at the sight, the thought of Maura dealing with this on her own suddenly hard to bear.

As she scrutinised Constance from behind the glass she thought about her previous encounters with her. Of course, she and Constance had had their differences in the past, most particularly over her treatment of Maura. But in recent months, relations between the two of them had finally began to thaw. Jane was willing to admit that she may have misjudged Constance when she had risked her own life by pushing Maura out of the way of an oncoming vehicle. Jane still struggled to understand the complexities of Constance's relationship with her daughter, being so different from her own experience of a maternal bond, but she could see from the effort that Constance had made since that incident that she really did love her daughter. In fact, it wasn't unusual now for Constance to initiate contact, to call Maura, make plans to meet or to invite her opinion on something. Jane wondered if the thought of losing Maura had somehow helped her to realise what she had missed over the years and she was trying to make up for lost time.

As Jane continued to absorb the sight of the stricken woman, she was struck with the brutal truth: no matter how complicated Constance's relationship with Maura seemed, Maura needed her mother in her life. Of course she had Jane and her crazy family, but she needed her own family too. Losing Constance now would be so cruel when she was just starting to build a relationship with her after all of those years of 'benign neglect' as Maura had put it. Jane remembered how that revelation had lit a touch paper inside of her. How angry she had felt that anyone could have someone as amazing as Maura in their life and not want to savour every moment with her, every opportunity. Especially since Constance and Arthur had chosen to adopt her. She could not understand the mentality of the Isles matriarch and her husband. Why choose to adopt Maura, leave her to be raised by nannies and then not fight to keep her close when she presented them with prospectuses for schools on another continent?

Jane's stomach lurched. She shook her head disbelievingly: stunned by her train of thought and the irony of it all. Here she was, angry that anyone could have someone as precious as Maura in their lives and be so blind, and yet she knew that since Casey had been back in her life, she was guilty of the same sin. These last few days had been more than a wake-up call for her and she was still trying to process everything. But this new revelation sickened her. Suddenly she was painfully aware of her failure to anticipate how Maura would react to Casey's proposal. It must have felt like a repeat of every thoughtless, unintentionally cruel rejection she'd experienced her entire life.

Jane put her head in her hands and groaned, frustrated at herself for being so pre-occupied with her own problems at a time like this. She let her hands drop and turned her attention to Constance, pale against the crisp white hospital sheets, her face partially obscured by the breathing mask. Jane couldn't help imagining how she would feel if it were her own mother lying in that bed, tubes snaking their way from her motionless body to the various machines that bleeped and illuminated and proved that she was still alive, still hanging on. Jane swallowed thickly, slamming her eyes shut against the thoughts that were crowding her mind. No, she couldn't even contemplate her devastation if it was her own mother's life hanging in the balance.

'Can I help you?' Gloria quizzed, jolting Jane out of her morbid thoughts, her eyes snapping up to meet those of the nurse before flicking back to Constance.

'Is she going to be alright?' Jane's voice was rough with emotion, breaking over the words.

Gloria's protective stance softened at Jane's obvious concern, 'Are you family?'

Jane turned to Gloria, her shoulders slumping in defeat, before she responded with a resigned sigh, 'No.' Gloria's brow creased into a frown so Jane ploughed on. 'Please. She's my best friend's mother. I've flown in from Boston to be here.' Jane worried her bottom lip, her eye's searching Gloria's, pleading for understanding.

'You're friends with Dr Isles?' Gloria looked at Jane intently.

Jane held her gaze, 'Yes.'

'Mm Hmm. Well, I think she'll be needing some support right now.'

Jane stiffened, suddenly more alert, her eyes searching Gloria's face 'You've seen her? Is she okay?'

Gloria regarded Jane thoughtfully, the urgency of her tone not lost on her, 'Yes. She left for the cafeteria about half an hour ago. I had to practically force her to go get some food. She seemed worn out.'

Jane pushed her hand through her hair in frustration, burdened by the knowledge of how much Maura was going through and being all too aware that she hadn't been here to help. She was torn, wanting on the one hand to go and find Maura but on the other wanting to reassure herself that Constance was going to be okay.

Gloria pursed her lips and folded her arms, weighing Jane up. 'You know we're only supposed to let family in to the ICU, don't you…Ms?'

Jane straightened, automatically pushing back her jacket to reveal the badge as she placed a hand on her hip, 'Detective Jane Rizzoli, Boston Homicide.'

Gloria's eyebrows shot up in surprise, 'Detective?' She gave Jane an appraising look before a smile played around her lips, 'Well now, that changes things, doesn't it? I certainly don't want to obstruct a police officer from performing her duties as best friend.' She winked.

Jane let out a breath. She couldn't suppress a relieved smile as she reached out to grasp Gloria's hand between hers, 'Thank you' she said gratefully. She was about to turn away when Gloria spoke again.

'Detective? If you're going to stay, I'm going to have to ask you to actually go inside. I can't have you cluttering up my corridor.' Gloria joked, nodded her head in the direction of the room, 'Go on. You've got ten minutes and don't you misbehave and make me regret letting you go in there, Okay?' She waggled her pen at Jane, giving her a teasing glare.

Jane played along, feigning shock and pointing at her own chest and mouthing 'moi?' as Gloria pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow before spinning on her heels and walking away.

Jane felt conflicted, feeling inexplicably uneasy about being with Constance when Maura was absent, but she sucked in a breath and made her way into the room, settling into the chair beside the bed. The minutes stretched out, Jane's intent gaze never leaving Constance's face. Then, without thought, she leaned across the bed and took Constance's hand gently between her own as her weary eyes fluttered shut. There, in that room, where the regular bleep of the heart monitor and the whoosh of the ventilator were the only sounds to puncture the silence, Jane knew without doubt that this was where she needed to be, where she wanted to be, for Constance and, most importantly, for Maura.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Please let me know what you think. Your reviews and comments keep me going when the going gets tough!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**A/N. Apologies for yet another long wait between updates. My reasons? My friends will vouch for the fact that I seem to have been playing a game of 'family crisis bingo' for the past few months and I practically have a 'full house.'! If I told you all about it you'd think it was more far-fetched than Jane dating 'Mr Shiny Jacket' in Season 6**

**Anyway! Here we are with chapter 9 and if you like it then certainly a chunk of that praise is due to my amazing Beta, Whitewave42, who suggested that the original draft was lacking something and she was right (as usual), so it's her fault it took even longer ;)**

**Please tell me if you like it…At least so I have some proof that you haven't all moved to a retirement village whilst awaiting this update.**

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Maura entered the café, scanning the room for her friend. Suddenly she pulled up short, a gasp escaping her lips and the hairs on the back of her neck prickling to attention. Her eyes locked on the dark curls of the woman sitting facing away in a booth at the far end of the seating area. She hardly dared breathe as the moment stretched out, her heart pounding in her ears before the turn of the woman's head revealed the face of a stranger: the illusion shattered.

Maura let out a breath, taking a moment to collect herself. The potent emotions that were stirring at the prospect of an encounter with Jane were unnerving. Everything still felt so raw and her reactions continued to oscillate between two extremes: the overwhelming need to have Jane here with her to draw on her strength and support, battling with her desperate need to protect herself and manage on her own. She felt so conflicted by the encounter, strangely torn between relief and disappointment.

'Over here, Maura.'

The sound of the familiar voice pulled Maura back to the present. She looked up, her gaze skimming the sea of faces until she spotted Beth sitting in a booth in the corner of the café, her arm raised to attract her attention. Maura focussed on Beth, attempting to push all thoughts of Jane aside. She took a few breaths to settle herself before forcing a smile and raising her own arm in response. She made her way towards her friend, still feeling ill at ease, weaving between the people and tables in the bustling café.

Beth had spotted Maura when she arrived and noted with curiosity how Maura had stopped in her tracks, the colour draining from her face. She couldn't see who or what had caused such a reaction but she could tell that Maura still seemed a little shaken by the time she reached their table.

'Beth. You really didn't have to come back. You must be exhausted.' Maura protested.

Beth rose to greet her friend before they both settled into the booth, facing each other. She knew Maura's concern to be genuine but her lack of eye contact and the way she had begun to fidget with a napkin didn't go unnoticed either.

'Honestly, Maura, I'm fine.' Beth leaned forward, quirking an eyebrow as she did so, 'You know me. I'd be climbing the walls by now if I had to stay at the hotel. I want to be here.' She plucked a menu from the stand with a flourish and slapped it down on the table in front of Maura, startling her before she continued in a determined tone, 'And I know there's not a lot I can do to help, but I can certainly make sure you get something to eat.'

Maura finally raised her head and peered at her friend suspiciously, 'Have you been speaking to Gloria?' she dead-panned.

'Who?' Beth looked perplexed.

'Never mind.' Maura shook her head, unable to help the smile that playing round her lips as she recalled her earlier encounter with Nurse Carling. But as she turned her attention to the menu in front of her, her mind drifted back to Jane and she found it difficult to focus. She had lost her appetite, feeling nauseous and unsettled from her imagined near miss. She knew she should eat something; after all she had only had a light snack around noon and it was almost 9pm now. She scanned and rescanned the menu, not really taking it in until the waitress arrived to take their order, causing her to quickly opt for the soup whilst Beth chose a burger. Maura admonished herself when Beth's menu choice again brought Jane immediately to mind and she rubbed at her temples in frustration, unaware that Beth had been scrutinising her closely, her brow knit in concern; none of Maura's visual clues to her inner turmoil lost on her.

The two women checked in with work and replied to text messages until the waitress returned with their order. Beth continued to study her friend as she sloshed the soup around the bowl with her spoon, lost in thought. The moments stretched out until she finally broke the silence, 'So you said your mother is stable?'

Beth watched as Maura's head snapped up, startled out of her thoughts. 'Sorry, yes. The nurse said all of her vitals are as expected.' Maura paused, putting her spoon down, 'She's regained some colour. She looks a lot better than when I first saw her.' Maura's voice caught over the words and she swallowed down the lump in her throat as she flashed back to when she first saw her mother lying prone in the hospital bed.

'That's good news, right?' Beth offered, her voice laced with encouragement. The ME lifted her glistening eyes and nodded mutely, surprised by how shaken she still was from seeing her mother like that. She'd seen so much worse in her time. She was the Chief Medical Examiner after all! Maura knew she needed to pull herself together but everything that had happened with Jane had left her feeling so vulnerable and unsure of herself that her usual coping mechanisms - reassuring herself with facts and her own medical knowledge - seemed hopelessly unreliable and inadequate right now.

'So do they know when she's expected to regain consciousness?' Beth continued, picking up her over-sized burger with both hands and examining it, trying to work out how best to eat it.

Maura straightened up and shook her head, 'She's still heavily sedated. I'm not sure when they expect her to come round.' She picked up her spoon again but made no attempt to eat the soup, falling back into her introspections.

Beth couldn't bear to see Maura looking so lost. She reached across the table and grasped her hand, giving it a squeeze, 'Hey?' she said gently, 'I know this must be really tough for you Maura. Understandably so. It's all so shocking…' She trailed off as Maura's jaw clenched and she closed her eyes. Beth couldn't hold off from asking the question that had been on the tip of her tongue since she had seen Maura's reaction as she entered the café. 'Maura. Are you okay? Is there something else bothering you?'

Maura's eyes snapped open to meet Beth's but she dropped them quickly, unable to hold Beth's searching gaze. Instead she peered into her bowl of uneaten soup, suddenly feeling exposed. She knew from experience that Beth missed nothing. She should have known better than to think she wouldn't notice that something was bothering her. Maura was torn between the need to share the burden of watching Jane slowly withdraw from her life and the need to remain silent about something that seemed far too painful to discuss. Logically she knew that if she told Beth about Jane's imminent departure or verbalised her deeply guarded feelings for Jane, the sun would still rise and the world would keep on turning. Nevertheless, since Jane's engagement, she had succumbed to irrational fears, worrying that her confession would set in motion some chain reaction that she couldn't control and everything she had so carefully constructed over the years would finally begin to unravel.

The silence stretched between them as Maura wrestled with the idea of confiding in Beth. She didn't doubt Beth's genuine desire to help but however much she tried to think of how to articulate how she felt or how to approach the subject of Jane she just couldn't bring herself to say the words. They stuck in her throat. She knew part of the problem was that she was still struggling to come to terms with her feelings for Jane now that they had grown so much deeper than friendship. It didn't feel like something she could share with anyone else either, even Beth. Especially when she couldn't imagine being able to tell Jane how she really felt.

As Maura wrestled with her thoughts, Beth, sensing her struggle, interjected, 'Maura, it's okay. You don't have to tell me.'

Maura's posture relaxed and she let out a steady breath, 'Thank you. It's been a tough few days. I'm just not ready to talk about it.'

'Hey, it's okay, honestly. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.' Beth paused, before stating firmly, 'But you know I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.'

Maura saw the determination in Beth's face and knew that Beth meant every word. Having someone being so thoughtful and kind to her at a time like this was making it even more difficult to hold herself together. She looked away, trying to fight against the surging emotions until it all proved too much and a tear slipped unchecked down her cheek. She dropped her head, dabbing discretely at the tears with her napkin. She blew out a breath and took a few moments to regain her composure before managing a reply, her voice thick, 'Sorry.' Beth reached out and rubbed Maura's arm supportively.

'Hey! No tears! You'll set me off and I've only just re-applied my makeup after the drama of last night.' She teased gently.

Maura couldn't help but smile, Beth's humour dislodging her gloominess. She patted Beth's hand, her eyebrow raised, 'Well, I do not want to be held responsible for the state of your makeup.' She countered, before continuing, 'And thank you...Knowing you are here for me means more than you know.'

The two women resumed eating their meals in companionable silence. Beth finished her meal first and was pleased to see that Maura had managed to eat most of her soup and the roll. She placed her napkin down on the table and leaned toward Maura, 'So, how are things in Boston? Are you still enjoying your job at BPD?'

Maura, having settled her emotions once more, nodded animatedly as she continued to chew, 'Work is busy, but rewarding. I have a good team of people around me now who are committed and meticulous. I'm proud of what we've achieved.'

Beth smiled, relieved to see some of the sparkle return to Maura's eyes. 'And how long have you been there now?' Beth continued, relaxing back against the chair and folding her arms, awaiting Maura's reply.

'Let's see.' Maura's brow creased in concentration before she responded with surprise, 'It will be seven years this coming September.' She put her elbows on the table and cradled her chin, focussing on Beth, 'I honestly don't know where the time has gone.'

'Seven years! You know, when you first told us you were going to become an ME I remember being so surprised, especially when you moved back to Boston, rather than take up a position here in New York. You seemed so happy here. Don't you miss it all?' Beth questioned curiously.

Did she miss it?

As Maura listened to Beth her mind drifted back to those years. She certainly hadn't felt unhappy or lacking in companionship at the time. Independent and self-reliant, yes, but not unhappy. She'd enjoyed the culture, the galleries, the social engagements, helping her mother and father with the Isles Foundation, but something ineffable had been missing. It was only when she moved to Boston after her 6 months in Africa with Medicins sans Frontiers and started working at BPD that things really did change for her. She knew now that her old life would no longer satisfy, not in and of itself. She realised that despite the hustle and bustle of the big city and all of the trappings that came along with it, she had found something in Boston that had truly satisfied. Her life had changed beyond measure. She had changed. Moving to Boston had given her something that no amount of society events or even charitable work could give her, something she hadn't even realised she had been craving: A sense of belonging. She belonged with BPD, belonged to a team, belonged in the Rizzoli family and most importantly, belonged to Jane. Jane threw the doors of friendship wide open and pulled her in. She'd accepted her, quirks and all, when she'd swept into her carefully constructed existence bringing spontaneity, noise, occasional chaos and disorder but also unconditional friendship, fierce loyalty and fun. Jane made her believe that anything was possible as long as you just grabbed hold of fistfuls of life with both hands. Being around Jane and trusting in her love and support gave her the courage to be fearless, to risk getting hurt in the process; and now here she was.

'Maura?' Maura snapped out of her unsettling thoughts to find herself the subject of Beth's intent, concerned gaze. She dropped her eyes self-consciously, 'Sorry, I was miles away. What were you saying?'

Beth gave Maura a sympathetic smile. She could tell that her friend was completely pre-occupied and it didn't take a genius to work out that Constance was not the only thing on the perturbed ME's mind.

'I asked you if you missed your life here. Do you think you'll ever come back to New York, Maura?' Beth said searchingly.

She looked up and scrutinised Beth's face, her attention now gripped by a question that seemed loaded with meaning. 'Beth?' she said suspiciously. 'What's going on? Is there something you want to say?' She quirked an eyebrow at her friend and pursed her lips, her troublesome thoughts fading as she focussed on her friend who was now squirming slightly at Maura's bluntness.

'That obvious?' Beth grimaced, knowing she'd been caught in the act.

'I'm afraid so.' Maura watched as Beth let out a sigh and leaned forward in her seat once more, placing her palms down on the table in front of her. She examined them for a few moments before gathering herself and looking Maura straight in the eye.

'Maura. I'm going to be honest with you here. Your mother, whilst she loves being involved in the work of the Foundation, has found it harder to keep up with all of the demands a charity of this size makes on her time. Don't get me wrong, she's still as passionate as ever about the Foundation's aims and the difference it makes, but with your father tied up with a lot of the overseas projects, she's been shouldering a lot of the responsibilities herself. I've tried to help as much as I can but there's so much to do and you know your mother has never been very good at delegating.' Maura rolled her eyes knowingly as Beth pressed on, 'It's been even more of a stretch since my dad retired from the board two months ago and the new deputy doesn't start for another six weeks.'

Maura frowned, her lips forming a thin line before she huffed in exasperation, 'Why didn't she say something?'

'Maura, we both know how stubborn and determined your mother can be and she didn't want you to worry.'

When Beth looked down at her hands again and chewed her bottom lip, Maura started to feel uneasy about where this particular conversation might be heading.

Beth looked up once more and said quietly, 'It's going to take her a while to get back on her feet after something like this, Maura. So what I'm trying to say and making a really bad job of it is would consider moving back to New York to help steer things? At least until your mother can return to work and her deputy takes up his post? We need someone who can hit the ground running. You've kept yourself informed about the Foundation over the years and I could help bring you up to speed. Plus, you know how your mother likes to run things and she trusts you, Maura.' Beth could see the look of shock on Maura's face and ploughed ahead regardless, 'So I know it's a lot to ask, and I don't need an answer right away, but the Foundation could really do with your input and expertise.'

Maura fell back against her seat, stunned by her friend's request. 'Beth. You don't know what you're asking.' Maura put a hand through her hair and closed her eyes, still trying to process everything.

'I know it's a lot to ask, Maura. You've made a good life for yourself in Boston. You love your job and you're making a difference, I can see that. Like you said, you have a great team around you and you've got some great friends there, like Jane. Don't think I don't know that you and Jane have something to do with Boston having one of the best homicide conviction rates on the east coast! But at least consider it, even if it's just for a few months.' Beth settled back into her seat once more, knowing she'd said all she could, the rest was up to Maura.

Maura had flinched at the mention of Jane before quickly schooling her features. There was too much to think about and she just didn't feel she had the emotional reserves to deal with it all right now. She blew out a breath, 'I promise I will think about it Beth.' she said as evenly as possible and then, with a quick glance at her watch, she pulled herself up and squared her shoulders, her voice determined, 'I really should go back and check on my mother.' She stood abruptly, knocking the salt dispenser over in her haste.

Beth knew she had just dropped a bombshell on her but nevertheless she was still puzzled by Maura's rapid change of topic and her sudden need to leave, 'Of course, of course.' She agreed, negotiating her way out of the booth as Maura gathered her things, 'Just let me get the bill and I'll come with you,' she offered, already pulling her wallet from her shoulder bag. She walked over to the counter to pay, her eyes still trained on Maura as she did so. Maura opened her mouth to object to Beth paying, but Beth's hand was already in the air to silence her and the challenging glare confirmed that resistance was futile.

Maura hugged her jacket in front of her, absentmindedly fiddling with its collar as her mind began to churn again with thoughts of her mother, of Jane and now of Beth's plea for help. The idea of moving to New York was ridiculous, wasn't it? Boston was her home now. Her friends were there. Maura's throat tightened and she felt the prickle of tears as she realised that things were about to change. Until now, Jane had been her anchor, without her, geography didn't really matter; Boston, New York, it made no difference. She shivered, the stark realisation that life, the one she thought she was living, was just a shadow, a pale reflection compared to all of the colour and vibrance that Jane had brought with the offer of her friendship. Jane had ripped up all of the rule books that Maura had been abiding by for so many years. She tore away the walls that had held everything and everyone at a prescribed distance and made herself at home. But when Casey had taken up more of Jane's time and attention these last few weeks and months Maura had grieved for those missed movie nights and struggled to ignore the empty seat in the booth beside her at the Dirty Robber. It had been in those moments that she had finally realised that the painful ache that bloomed in her chest whenever Jane spent more time with Casey and less with her wasn't because she missed her friend…It was because she loved her.

And it was fair to say that a week ago Maura could never have imagined entertaining the idea of moving back to New York. But now everything had changed. Perhaps taking up Beth's invitation to help at the Isles Foundation, at least until her mother was well, would give her something she needed right now…A break from Boston and more importantly a break from all of the things that reminded her of Jane.

Before she could process it any further she was startled out of her thoughts as Beth returned, putting her wallet back into her purse, 'All sorted.'

Maura recovered quickly and smiled at her friend, 'Thank you. Next time it's on me.'

'Well I hope so, Maura, because the prices here are ridiculous,' She joked, her eyebrows shooting up into her hairline, 'I might have to sell a kidney if I have to pick up the tab for you again.'

Beth's comment flustered Maura but she didn't show it, realising immediately that Beth could never have known about her decision to give one of her kidneys to Cailin as it had never been made public. Instead, she responded with good humour, rolling her eyes and giving Beth a nudge, before addressing her in a serious tone 'Honestly, Beth. You know that trading in human organs is illegal in the state of New York. Friends or not, I would have to turn you in.' She tried and failed to keep a straight face.

Beth sniggered, 'But you'd come and visit me in prison, right?' Beth looked at Maura with pleading puppy dog eyes. Maura pretended to contemplate for a few seconds, earning a nudge and an offended, 'Hey!' from her friend. Maura's expression crumbled into a grin, her troubling thoughts settling with the playful banter.

'Come on,' she said, tipping her head towards the door. She walked purposefully towards the exit, still smiling to herself, followed closely by Beth who was relieved that she had managed to lighten her friend's mood.

Maura and Beth chatted about the Isles Foundation as they made their way down towards the ICU, all the while, Maura continued to mull over the idea of helping out. Beth spoke animatedly about some of the latest projects and in response Maura plied her with questions, as she still had a keen interest in the work of the Foundation and remained closely involved. Beth's enthusiasm was infectious and Maura was so caught up in their conversation that she hadn't noticed that they had reached the doorway of her mother's room until Beth stopped and turned to face Maura, placing her hands gently on each shoulder before fixing her with an intent gaze, 'Do you want me to come in with you, Maura? I'm sure they won't be as strict about visitors now that she has stabilised.'

Maura smiled at Beth's protectiveness and concern. She shook her head determinedly, grasping Beth's arm to get her message across, 'I'll be fine.' Then she continued, emphasising her words, 'Get. Some. Rest! It's going to be a very busy week for all of us.'

'Okay.' Beth conceded reluctantly, 'As long as you're sure.'

'I'm sure.' Maura said firmly, with more conviction than she felt, 'I promise to call you if I need anything,' She accepted Beth's offered hug gratefully and held onto her tightly: the idea of being alone again with her mother and her thoughts suddenly making her anxious, despite her assurances to Beth.

Maura felt her friend's posture stiffen before she pulled back from the embrace and straightened up. Her attention was suddenly focussing over Maura's shoulder and into Constance's room. Maura's stomach dropped, her heart thudding uncomfortably in her chest. She knew instinctively what to expect before she even turned around, her legs suddenly unsteady and uncooperative.

'Jane.'

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**A/N. PLEASE NOTE: For the purposes of this story, The Isles Foundation Head office is in New York and Constance spends more time there these days. Also, Maura spent time in New York before she went to Africa with Medicins sans Frontiers.**

**As always, I love to hear what you think. Ideas? Suggestions? Thoughts?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Author's Note.**

**Sorry. My life still had some more drama left to squeeze out of it, hence another delayed update. Thank you to those who have patiently (or not so patiently) continued to follow this story. Your support and reviews and comments are what keep me going.**

**Thanks to my very long-suffering beta, Whitewave42, who goes through my story-writing angst with me and keeps on encouraging me when I hit a brick wall! The help, advice and hand-holding is very much appreciated!**

**Sooooo, Jane and Maura are finally in the same room…**

**Please let me know what you think….**

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_Moments earlier_…

Jane's eyes snapped open as she heard the sound of voices in the corridor. She gently released Constance's hand, settling it back upon the starched hospital sheets. She straightened in her seat, suddenly alert, her forehead creasing in concentration as she strained to hear the sound of the conversation. She rubbed at her eyes, her mind still sluggish from lack of sleep. She had only been with Constance about fifteen minutes and thought at first that Gloria had returned to call time, but as the voices grew louder she knew neither female voice belonged to the nurse. She would recognise the familiar warmth and clarity of Maura's voice anywhere – the other she assumed to be Beth. Her mouth went dry and she held her breath as Maura's voice grew louder and the tell-tale click of heels heralded her approach.

Usually, Jane was unflappable and confident in any situation, whether it be life threatening or mundane. This time, Jane's sharply honed instincts deserted her and she felt completely out of her depth. She didn't know what to do with herself, her brain playing catch up as she anticipated their impending reunion. Her last encounter with Maura had left her so unsure of how she would be received that she found herself squeezing further into the high-backed chair that faced away from the door, her ear trained on the sound of footsteps and conversation. She hardly dared move as the footsteps halted just outside the room. She licked her dry lips as her heart hammered in her chest as she listened intently. Beth's offering to stay with Maura made her suddenly alert, causing her to snap to attention and turn towards the door just in time to see Beth and Maura holding each other in a tight embrace.

It twisted like a knife in Jane's gut, leaving her reeling from the intensity of her emotional response to the scene. She instinctively pressed her fingers to her lips, as if to suppress all of the words that were about to bubble up inside her. Jane felt buffeted by the potency of her reaction to their embrace – she just couldn't handle the idea of Maura being comforted by anybody else. It felt physically painful to witness how readily she returned Beth's hug - especially since Maura's rejection of her touch back in Beacon Hill still stung.

Before she had time to process her response and why it affected her so deeply, Beth spotted her, a flash of recognition flitting across her face, having seen her at a few of the events that the foundation had run over the years.

Jane tried to ignore the disconcerting emotions Beth and Maura's embrace had caused, now was not the time. Instead, she rose hesitantly from her chair beside Maura's mother, her hand reaching instinctively towards the bed for support as she turned to face her best friend. Feeling completely unsure of herself, she nervously searched Maura's face for any clues that she had made the right choice in coming to New York, knowing that any further rejection of her help would prove her instincts wrong and would deliver another crushing blow. But it wasn't in her nature to give up, not with something so important at stake

Maura was frozen in shock. Jane saw her hesitation and similarly froze, the two locked in an awkward impasse. The tension steadily increased, along with Maura's respiration and heart rate.

Beth was the first to break the silence that hung in the air. 'I should leave you to catch up,' she stammered as she looked between the two women, their eyes locked on each other, intense and searching.

Maura didn't even hear Beth's voice, her attention entirely focussed on Jane.

'Maura?' Beth reached for the ME's arm, causing her to flinch, before tearing her eyes away from Jane with some effort to stare distractedly at Beth, 'I'll be down in the waiting room if you need me.' Maura's nodded mutely, her eyes unfocussed, before turning back to face Jane.

Beth gave Maura's arm a gentle squeeze before quietly slipping away, her presence instantly forgotten.

Moments passed as the two women continued to face each other. The room felt choked with tension and emotion. The heavy silence was punctured only by the rhythmical beep of the medical equipment.

Jane shook herself out of her trance and scrutinised her friend. Maura could hide nothing from Jane and right now everything was laid bare, all of the pain and conflict and agony of what she had been through these last few days was reflected in her glistening eyes. Janes silently continued her visual assessment, becoming more and more concerned as she absorbed the lines of worry, the dark shadows, the defeated posture. Jane's heart clenched. Whether her presence here was welcome of not she could not stand idly by a moment longer. She crossed the distance between them in a few short strides and gathered Maura into a fierce hug, drawing her in, needing to feel connected to her, bound to her. She ignored the tension in Maura's frame. This time she would not be so easily dissuaded. She continued to hold her protectively as if determined to convey all that she felt for her in the embrace.

Jane wasn't sure how much time passed, only that her patience was rewarded when Maura finally succumbed. She sagged into Jane's arms, all resistance gone. Jane gathered her closer, relief washing over her.

Maura held on to Jane now as if her life depended on it, grabbing fistfuls of Jane's jacket, frustrated that she couldn't bring her close enough to smother the pain, to absorb it, to wipe it away. Maura's breathing came in shuddering gasps, her throat clogged with emotion and all that she wanted to say. But it wasn't words that clawed their way up her throat but heaving sobs that tore at her chest.

Jane squeezed her eyes shut, clenching her jaw as she wrestled with her own emotions, acutely aware of how much it cost Maura to surrender herself to her feelings and let go. Maura's pain overwhelmed Jane, her protective nature going into overdrive. She held on to Maura even more tightly, supporting her, soothing her, comforting her. She let Maura cry, her hand gently stroking the soft waves of her hair as she cradled her against her chest. She wanted so desperately to carry her friend's burden, to release her from her anguish, but knew that there were no quick-fixes, and for now she had to satisfy herself with the idea that she would simply be whatever Maura needed.

Finally, Maura settled, her breathing calmed and she loosened her hold on Jane. Jane let out a breath and closed her eyes. Then, dipping her chin she gently kissed Maura's head before nuzzling closer, 'I'm here, Maura.'

Maura instinctively tightened her hold in response to Jane's words, unable to resist the offered sanctuary any longer. She swallowed the growing lump in her throat, losing the battle to keep herself at arm's length when all that was within her yearned for the connection they shared, ached to be close to her.

Jane struggled to harness all that she was feeling for the ME, eventually managing to whisper against her ear, her voice rough with emotion, 'Whatever you need.'

Maura shuddered, unable to deny herself all that she had yearned for. She finally surrendered, all thought of a strategic withdrawal in the interests of self-preservation abandoned. A quiet admission finally slipping unchecked from her lips, her warm breath whispering against Jane's neck, 'I need you.'

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**Author's Note**

**So how was it for you?!**

**And no, that's not the end! (although I know you are probably all in shock that we finally have a chapter that isn't an angst-filled cliff hanger). Tune in for more drama….**

**And thanks for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**A/N. I'm back! And I'm a bit quicker with my update this time. Yay! It may even be a personal best!**

**It's not the longest chapter in the universe but it seemed like a good place to stop (knowing what's coming next…Mwahaha!)**

**Thanks for all of the support, follows and reviews! I appreciate it so much.**

**Thanks as always to my patient, wise and awesome beta, Whitewave42.**

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**Chapter 11.**

After the painful rejection of her help back in Boston, Maura's quiet declaration affected Jane deeply. She swallowed the rising lump in her throat, as her heart hammered away in her chest. 48 hours ago, Jane's life had seemed straightforward and predictable, or at least as straightforward and predictable as a Homicide Detective's life could be. Now, everything had changed and she found herself in new territory…and seemingly at the mercy of her own erratic emotions, which continued to surprise her. She knew she still had a lot to figure out, but for now she pulled her friend closer, still savouring the words that were a soothing balm, ameliorating the hurt she had felt only hours before. How could it be that the ME's words, simply stated, seemed so profound now, despite years of close friendship where their need for each other was demonstrated in so many ways and on so many levels? Yet, the words continued to burn within her, leaving Jane marvelling that Maura, this quirky, beautiful, generous, woman, needed her.

Jane wasn't sure how long they had been holding one another before they were both startled by the shrill sound of an alarm. They pulled apart, the spell broken. Jane was the first to react, spinning around and trying to determine the source of the noise, 'What's happening?' She turned back to Maura for reassurance, her eyes wide in panic.

Maura swept past Jane and moved around the bed, inspecting the flashing display on one of the machines. 'There's a blockage in the syringe driver delivering the pain medication.' She stated matter-of-factly, before turning to face her tense friend. She approached Jane and placed a reassuring hand on her arm, 'It's easy to fix, Jane. They just need to flush it through. She has enough medication in her system to keep her comfortable so there's no need to worry.' She regarded Jane sympathetically, seeing her visibly relax at her explanation.

'Right. Fine. That's good then.' Jane ran a hand distractedly through her hair, still a little shaken. She bit her bottom lip and dipped her head, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Maura sighed, dropping her hand from Jane's arm. 'Jane?'

Jane raised her head slowly, her eyes locking on the searching hazel eyes of her friend. She cleared her throat, 'Maura,' dropping her head as she reached out and gathered Maura's hands in hers, before her earnest eyes returned to meet the ME's now anxious gaze as she anticipated Jane's next words. Jane took a deep breath and was just about to speak when they were both startled by a familiar voice as Gloria bustled in, causing Jane to drop Maura's hands and fumble with her own scarred palms instead.

The nurse stared at the pair, her hands firmly planted on her hips, she turned her attention to Jane, 'Who set off the alarm? I told you not to cause me any trouble, detective!' She quirked an eyebrow at Jane playfully and waggled a finger in the Jane's direction, who looked suitably repentant despite the fact she hadn't done anything. Gloria wheeled around, turning her attention to the offending piece of medical equipment that had resumed its intermittent beeping. She hummed a tune to herself as she made quick work of flushing out the syringe driver and resetting the device, giving Jane and Maura a moment to compose themselves after the intensity of the last few minutes. Gloria took her time checking the rest of the equipment and noted the readings before glancing over her shoulder at the pair, who continued to look a little flustered. Gloria scrutinised them both for a moment, then as if having come to some conclusion she gave an enigmatic, 'Mm Hmm,' then muttered something under her breath before straightening up. Then, turning her attention to the unconscious matriarch, she smiled warmly, carefully adjusting and smoothing the bed sheets. She gently patted Constance's arm before turning back to the two women, folding her arms across her ample chest as she did so.

'All fixed. And everything else is looking fiiiiinnee.' She drew out, fixing Jane and then Maura with her penetrating gaze, causing them to shift self-consciously under the nurse's scrutiny.

'Detective?' she said sharply, causing Jane's eyebrows to shoot up into her hairline.

'Yes, Ma'am?' Jane fired back, pulled herself up to her full height, hands on hips, bracing herself.

'Now I am glad you are here to keep an eye on Dr Isles. But, let me tell you again, if you intend to look after her, you need to be taking care of yourself and when I look at you, child, I do not see the face of a woman who has eaten or slept much in the last 24 hours.' Maura couldn't stifle a snort and Jane's head snapped towards her, huffing at Maura's response. Maura covered her mouth with her hand and tried to keep a straight face.

'Mau-ra! Not helping!' Jane whined, her offended expression being enough to cause Maura's straight face to crumble into a grin.

Maura looked across at Gloria, seeing the nurse's eyes creased in amusement and then back at her friend. She schooled her features, 'Well. You really do look exhausted Jane.' She offered.

'Really, Maura?!' Jane said, in mock annoyance, feeling relieved to see her friend playing along with the joke, even if it was at her expense.

Gloria chuckled before she addressed Jane again, this time her tone making it clear that she was not to be messed with, 'Get something to eat' she spelled out plainly, ' I have enough folks keeping me busy without me having to nurse exhausted homicide detectives. Mrs. Isles isn't going anywhere and if you quit messing with my syringe driver, I might let you back in to continue _supporting _Dr Isles here.' She gave them both a knowing look.

'Are you sure you haven't met my mother?' Jane grumbled under her breath, rubbing her eyes. Finally, she let out a resigned sigh, realising she was fighting a losing battle. She threw her arms up dramatically in surrender, 'fiinnneeee!' she drawled, then she fixed her eyes on Gloria again, grinding out her words through gritted teeth, 'I will go and get something to eat.' She folded her arms and quirked an eyebrow, 'Happy?!'

'Ecstatic!' 'Gloria exclaimed, looking smug. Jane rolled her eyes in exasperation and shook her head, unable to keep the smile off her face. Jane knew they were both right, she _was _exhausted, and she really did need to get something to eat but she didn't want to leave Maura either. She turned to face her friend, reaching out and placing her hand gently on the smaller woman's arm, her voice tinged with concern.

'You okay?' She relaxed a little as she watched Maura nod without hesitation. Jane dipped her head closer, her voice quiet, 'Okay. So long as you're sure.' She let go of Maura's arm and looked at her watch before locking eyes with Maura again, 'I won't be long. Can I get you anything?' She searched Maura's face.

'No, Jane. I'm fine, I've only just eaten,' she nodded in the direction of the portly nurse, her eyes twinkling. 'You weren't Gloria's first victim.' Jane looked over her shoulder as Gloria proceeded to stick out her hip and fold her arms defiantly, looking unrepentant.

Jane snorted and shook her head before turning back to face Maura, her voice insistent, 'You'll call me if anything changes?'. Maura was about to reply when Jane's stomach growled in protest, prompting her to raise a hand above her head to silence Gloria before she could launch into another lecture, 'I'm going!' she exclaimed, unable to stifle a grin as she observed the chuckling ME.

Jane grudgingly turned to go, but was stopped by a hand on her arm. She turned to meet Maura's intense and earnest gaze, 'Thank you, Jane.' Maura's expression and tone made it clear that her words were more than a response to Jane's question. Jane felt her throat tighten and could only manage a small nod in acknowledgement, her eyes never leaving Maura's face…So many unspoken nuances passed between them, silently acknowledging that they needed to talk but this was neither the time or the place. Finally, Maura let go of Jane's arm and instantly missing the contact, wrapped her arms around herself instead. Moments passed before Jane reluctantly tore her eyes away from Maura and strode towards the door, not daring to look back in case the temptation to stay proved too hard to resist.

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**So what do you think? Your thoughts, as always, keep me going!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**A/N Hey everyone! I'm back with another update. Thanks for all of the lovely reviews, favourites and follows.**

**Thanks as always to my Beta, Whitewave42, who saved me from a potential plot hole disaster! If you haven't checked out her stories then go and have a look! You won't be disappointed.**

**Okay, so where were we?**

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Jane flopped onto one of the easy chairs near the nurse's desk at the entrance to ICU. The main café had closed by the time she found it so she ended up grabbing a sandwich from a vending machine and heading back in case Maura called. Her head ached, probably from caffeine withdrawal as well as exhaustion, but she hadn't managed to find anywhere to get a drink and there was no way she was going to brave the greyish-brown substance that generally oozed from the coin-operated machines in hospitals – no matter how much she craved a hot cup of coffee.

She inspected the sandwich, turning the unappealing cellophane-wrapped article over in her hands. She knew she needed to eat something but didn't feel hungry, just buzzing with nervous energy. She couldn't help playing back her encounter with Maura. She was so relieved that Maura wasn't pushing her away anymore, but where did they go from here? She put the sandwich down on the next chair before rubbing her face with her hands in frustration, tired of trying to sift through the tangle of thoughts that weighed heavily on her mind.

'Jane?' The detective's stomach turned over as she recognised Beth's voice, since she was still unsettled after seeing her comfort Maura earlier. Jane hesitated, her head still in her hands before she braced herself and looking up to meet Beth's gaze.

'Beth.' Jane said evenly, as she stretched out her tall frame in the chair and made to get up and greet her.

'Please. Don't get up.' Beth waved a hand at Jane, before settling down on the edge of one of the chairs to face her. Jane figured that she must have freshened up since the drama of the night before but she looked tired and drawn, and also a little ill at ease. Jane immediately regretted her indifferent manner. After all, she dealt with crime and violence every day; Beth on the other hand had possibly had one of the worse nights of her life and was probably still in shock. Jane had to admit that Beth hadn't done anything wrong by supporting Maura, and she knew she would have felt even worse if Maura had been here on her own whilst she was still in Boston trying to get her act together. So after inwardly berating herself for being a brat she settled back in the chair and asked gently, 'How are you holding up? You've had quite a night, huh?'

Beth bit her bottom lip, nodding slightly, her gaze dropping to her hands as she fidgeted with her rings. Any residual resentment Jane felt melted instantly. She leaned forward in her chair, tentatively reaching out and placing a hand on Beth's knee. The brunette looked up, her eye's brimming with tears before quickly looking away. She let out a shuddering breath, 'Sorry.'

'Hey.' Jane's gave Beth's knee a gentle squeeze, causing Beth to look up again, her glistening green eyes meeting Jane's compassionate brown ones. 'From what I hear, Constance owes you her life.'

Beth's shook her head resolutely. 'It doesn't feel that way. I just keep playing it over in my head. I never should have let her leave the benefit on her own at that time of night, if she hadn't left her shrug behind...' Beth's lip trembled and she quickly looked down.

Jane dipped her head, until she locked eyes with Beth, 'Hey! You are not to blame. This is not your fault. She's here because of the creep who attacked her. She's alive because of your quick thinking.'

Beth searched Jane's face, realising that Jane meant every word of her fierce rebuttal, which was enough to cause Beth's shaky composure to crumble. She pressed her fingers to her lips, trying to hold things together. Beth knew deep down that Jane was right, she wasn't to blame, but it was much harder in practice to let go of the lingering guilt and to stop playing the 'what if's' over and over in her mind.

Jane settled back in her chair and waited, conscious that Beth was struggling with the emotional fall-out from the attack and wanting to give her time to process things. After a few moments, Beth swiped away the tears with the heels of her hands and let out a shaky breath. Then, squaring her shoulders she looked at Jane, her expression a mixture of anger and incomprehension, 'I just don't understand it! It's all so senseless. He stabbed her! She could have died! And for what? He didn't even take anything!'

Beth's outburst didn't surprise Jane: anger was a common emotion after going through something like this. What did surprise her was Beth's revelation that nothing had been taken. 'You're sure nothing's missing?'

Beth nodded. 'I'm pretty sure. Constance was wearing a Cartier necklace and matching bracelet and her engagement ring when they brought her here – They're in a safety deposit box now. Her clutch wasn't taken either. The police checked through it with me at the hospital, her cash, cards and phone were still inside.'

Jane was in full-on detective mode now, her eyebrows knitted together in concentration, her lips pressed into a thin line, her mind pinging with more questions as she mulled over this new information. 'Do you think you might have disturbed him before he had a chance to take anything?'

Beth sighed, 'It's possible, I guess. I heard a scream and by the time I reached the alley I was too late, Constance was already on the ground…' Beth paused for a moment to gather herself, before pressing on, 'He was crouching over her with his knife raised and I yelled at him to stop. It was enough to spook him. He jumped to his feet and made a run for it down the alley in the opposite direction. When I reached Constance, her clutch was right beside her.' Beth huffed out an exasperated breath, 'If he was prepared to stab her for it, why didn't he take it?' Beth looked at Jane expectantly, hoping she would be able to provide her with some answers.

Jane rubbed at her jaw, 'I don't know, Beth. Perhaps Constance put up a fight, or maybe he panicked when you yelled? Did you manage to get a look at him?'

Beth shook her head resignedly, 'No, the light was pretty poor and he was wearing a balaclava.'

'Is there anything else you noticed about him? Anything at all?' Jane pressed, sitting on the edge of her seat now.

Jane waited expectantly as Beth's sat contemplating her question, her brow creased in concentration. Finally, she shook her head and sighed, leaning forward to rest her forearms in her lap, her hands clasped together. She looked up at Jane apologetically, 'I'm really sorry, I can't think of anything. I wish there was more I could have given the police to go on but it all happened so fast.'

'Hey. No need for apologies. You did great.' Jane smiled reassuringly.

They sat quietly, each too exhausted to engage in small talk until a thought occurred to Jane and she broke the silence, 'Beth? Has Maura's father been contacted?'

Beth snapped out of her thoughts, Jane's voice startling her, 'Sorry, I was miles away. Dr Isles? No.' Beth sighed deeply in frustration. 'Unfortunately we haven't been able to contact him. He's currently out on a field trip in Kenya. He doesn't have access to a satellite phone where he is, so unless he checks in at another site, which is unlikely, we have no way of reaching him until he gets back to base at the end of the week.'

Jane brushed a few errant strands of hair out of her face and blew out a breath, 'That is not the kind of news you want to receive when you're on a different continent. Let's hope Constance has made good progress by then.'

'Yes. Let's hope so.' Beth agreed. They sat quietly for a few minutes before the silence was broken by the grumbling of Jane's stomach, causing Beth to chuckle, instantly breaking their gloomy mood. 'Hungry?' Beth said, unable to suppress a smile.

'My body says yes, but that sweaty, cellophane-wrapped, three day old sandwich says 'Nope!' Jane joked, pointing at the offending item. 'But I wouldn't think twice about trading my own mother for a good cup of coffee.'

Beth laughed out loud, before decisively getting to her feet, 'I can fix that!' she said brightly.

'What? You know someone who'll do a deal?' Jane dead-panned, prompting a snort from Beth.

'Not quite,' Beth grabbed her purse from the seat, 'but I do happen to know where to get a good cup of coffee at this time of night. There's a shop just near the main entrance that's open 24 hours.'

Jane immediately perked up, her eyes wide with eager anticipation, 'Seriously? A real coffee, not a cellophane-wrapped, hospital vending machine one?'

Beth grinned back, 'Yes, _seriously_. What can I get you?' Jane gratefully gave Beth her order and tried to give her some cash but Beth waved it away, insisting on paying, before setting off down the corridor.

Jane settled back into the easy chair, exhaustion starting to get the better of her as her eyes fluttered closed. She wasn't sure how long she had dozed off for when she was roused by the sound of a telephone ringing. She was a little disoriented and it took a few moments to pull round. She dragged her fingers through her tangled hair and shook it out, then stretched her protesting muscles. Just then, she heard one of the nurses at the nearby desk mention Constance's name. She looked up to see her on the phone. Jane shifted in her seat, leaning forward, suddenly alert. She listened intently to half of the conversation.

'Yes.' the nurse said, 'She's still sedated but your daughter is with her now.', 'Room 2, the ICU suite.', 'Shall I tell her you rang?', 'Are you sure?', 'Okay.' 'Bye.'

The nurse hung up and Jane launched herself off the chair and jogged across to her, gripping the edge of the desk. 'Excuse me. Who was that on the phone?' Jane asked urgently.

The nurse spun round to face Jane, 'I'm sorry? You are?' She frowned, an edge to her voice.

Jane wasted no time in unclipping her badge from her belt and thrusting it towards the nurse, 'Detective Jane Rizzoli, Boston Police Department.' The nurse examined the badge and looked back at Jane, before answering her cautiously, 'That was Dr Isles, ringing to enquire about...'

Jane interrupted her before could finish, 'Did he leave a message?' She said insistently. The nurse looked perplexed by Jane's mounting agitation.

'No, detective. I asked if he wanted to leave a message but he said not to worry, he would call his daughter himself.'

Jane's disquiet deepened. Beth had said they wouldn't be able to contact him until the end of the week. Had they managed to get through after all? Suddenly it dawned on her, where was Beth? Shouldn't she be back by now? Surely the coffee shop wouldn't be that busy at this time of night?

'Is everything alright, detective?' The nurse's face looked concerned now.

Jane ran a hand impatiently through her hair as she tried to make sense of everything, her mind still playing catch up after her nap. 'I'm not sure,' she conceded, rubbing her forehead. 'Have you seen Beth Irving, the woman who was here earlier with me?'

The nurse thought for a moment. 'She's a friend of the Isles family, right?' Jane nodded, 'No. I noticed her leave you about 15 minutes ago, but I haven't seen her since. But then, I've been checking through the handover notes for the next shift so I could have missed her.'

Jane didn't want to overreact, but things just didn't feel right. She needed to find Beth and see if she knew what was going on. 'Thanks.' Jane turned to go but then spun round again. 'How do I get to the late night coffee shop?'

'Just go down to the end of the corridor and turn left then it's at the end of that corridor on your left, just before you reach the main atrium.'

'Thanks.' Jane called over her shoulder as she set off in a run in the direction the nurse had indicated, her heart beginning to thud in her chest as the sense of foreboding intensified.

Jane wove between a few hospital orderlies before she turned down the corridor that led to the atrium and the coffee shop. She pulled up short as she spotted something on the floor ahead of her, she walked towards it and dropped down onto her haunches, her pulse quickening as she examining the spilled paper coffee cup, the contents still hot. Jane rose to her feet, all of her senses on high alert. She scanned the corridor but no one was around and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Jane hadn't passed any rooms along this corridor, there was just a door leading to the stairwell just across from the spillage. She cautiously approached the door, her heart thudding in her ribcage as she automatically reached for her gun, only to be reminded that she was off duty, out-of-state and unarmed. She kept her back to the wall and edged towards the window in the door, turning her head to peer through.

'Shit!' Jane exclaimed, bursting through the door and quickly checking the area for any threats before falling to her knees beside the crumpled form of Beth. She was slumped on the stairs, blood pumping from a deep gash in her neck, already pooling on the floor beside her. Jane knew from the location and severity of the wound that it was serious and she didn't have much time. She jumped to her feet, bursting back into the corridor, grabbing the arm of a startled nurse. 'Detective Jane Rizzoli, Boston PD, I have a woman here who's been stabbed in the neck and she's lost a lot of blood! I need a medical team here now!' The nurse took one look at Jane's blood-stained clothes and wasted no time in running towards one of the emergency phones on the wall further along the corridor.

Jane darted back through the door, dropping to the floor beside Beth. She was barely conscious, her eyes were unfocussed, her breathing was shallow and laboured. She was alive, but only just. Jane quickly pulled off her Jacket and whilst applying pressure to the wound, she carefully passing the sleeve under Beth's neck and wrapping it around like a bandage. Beth moaned, struggling to open her eyes. Jane watched as Beth's eyes finally opened and locked on hers, her breathing becoming more erratic as she tried desperately to speak. Jane held a finger to her lips, 'Shhhh. Beth, Don't try and speak. Help is on its way.'

Jane knew she needed Beth to stay conscious and conserve her strength so she continued to try and soothe her, but despite her ministrations and reassuring words, she couldn't calm her down. Beth continued to struggle, desperately trying to communicate, her eyes locking onto Jane's with grim determination. Then, groaning with pain and effort she attempted to shift position, her eyes never leaving Jane's face. Jane reached out to stop her, worried about the strain Beth was putting on her already battered body, but Beth jerkily shook her head 'no'. Jane's eyes snapped up to meet Beth's which flashed with urgency. Jane watched as Beth raised a shaky hand and touched her wounded neck with a bloodied finger, then, clenching her jaw, she haltingly moving her hand once more until it finally stilled.

Jane's throat went dry and the hairs on the back of her neck prickled to attention as she stared at the spot where Beth's hand had finally come to rest, her fingers pointing to where Constance had been stabbed, her eyes still desperately screaming at Jane to understand.

Jane gasped as the pieces suddenly clunked into place, staggering backwards, her expression communicating to Beth that the shocking message had been received and understood. She barely even noticed the medical team arrive and push past her so they could set to work on Beth because her mind was now consumed by one thing: Beth knew her attacker and she knew he had attacked Constance too.

Suddenly, the fact that nothing had been stolen when Constance was attacked in the alley made sense. Constance wasn't the victim of a random street robbery at all…She was a target.

And as Jane pulled her mind back to the present, looking on in disbelief as the medics fought to save the life of the stricken PA, she realised Beth was too.

Someone wanted these women dead and one bogus phone call had confirmed that they needed to come back and finish the job. The motive was a mystery but there was only one thing that tied the two of them together. And there was one other person in the hospital who had a tie to the Isles foundation, who was currently alone, unaware and unprotected.

Maura.

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**A/N. As always let me know what you think!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Author's Note: I'm back! And the reason why it has taken me so long to get this update to you? This chapter was a complete 'pig' to write and drove me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!**

**However, after wrestling with it for aaagggggeeeesssss and after benefiting yet again from the patience, suggestions and support from my amazing beta, Whitewave42, it's finally here!**

**Please let me know if the torment of writing this 'bleeping' chapter was worth it!**

**I always appreciate your feedback.**

**Hold on to your seats everyone! Here we go…**

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After Jane left to get something to eat, Gloria finished assessing Constance and declared that 'everything was as she expected and there was nothing out of the ordinary' before bustling out of the room.

Maura was left alone with her mother once more. She stifled a yawn and rubbed at her eyes wearily. She looked around the room and then at her mother. Everything still seemed so unreal; her mother seriously injured, yet again. And, yet again, she found it hard to reconcile the confident, assertive, self-assured woman she knew with 'this' Constance…motionless, silent, pale, unadorned. She reached out, gently tucking a few errand strands of hair behind her mother's ear, before tentatively stroking her mother's cheek with the back of her hand. She let her hand linger, suddenly struck by how rare such moments of intimacy were. Yet, right now it seemed the most natural thing in the world. Maura felt her throat tighten as she pondered this revelation. Then, after a few moments, she reluctantly withdrew her hand and settled back into the chair, letting her shoes drop to the floor, before tucking her legs beneath her. It would have been so easy for her to succumb to sleep. Instead, she battled against exhaustion and continued to regard her mother. She took her time to absorb every detail, knowing that she could do so unselfconsciously.

After a while, Maura's thoughts inevitably drifted back to Jane and she felt the familiar surge of emotions bloom in her chest. The moment she saw Jane standing in this room her resolve began to weaken. Despite everything, she desperately wanted Jane here, more than that, she needed her here. However, she knew that by accepting Jane's support she was opening herself up to further heartache: Jane could be gone next month, or even next week but she couldn't think about that. She needed to focus on the present, and right now Jane was here for her and for her mother. This was how it had always been over the years; the two of them tackling whatever curve balls life threw at them. She couldn't imagine it any other way.

Maura's introspections were interrupted when she heard the door swing open. She smiled to herself, looking over her shoulder towards the door, anticipating Jane's return.

But it wasn't Jane. Instead she found herself confronted by a stranger who startled her by snapping the window blinds shut and locking the door before she had chance to process what was happening.

Maura immediately tensed, her pulse quickening as she took in the dishevelled appearance of the agitated intruder, his wild eyes locked on hers. She carefully untucked her legs and cautiously got to her feet, not taking her eyes off him for a second. She slowly turned her body around to face him, backing against her mother's bed.

Maura's senses were on high alert as she continued her visual assessment, which did nothing to assuage her fears. She noted his crumpled jacket and jeans, and more worryingly the blood that appeared to be spattered on them. He appeared to be about her age, his hair unkempt, sweat glistened on his brow. He seemed worked-up and jumpy...or 'high', Maura couldn't be sure which. She instinctively reached behind her, feeling for Constance's arm, her mind beginning to race and consider her options. She needed Jane, but she realised with dismay that her phone was in her purse on the other side of the bed.

'Maura.' He spat, his tone accusatory.

Maura's stomach lurched, his use of her name catching her off guard and making her feel an immediate sense of foreboding.

'Yes?' she replied hesitantly.

He took a few more steps towards her, his jaw set in menacing determination.

'Don't you remember me, Maura?' The edge to his voice causing the hairs on her neck to prickle to attention. She tried to keep calm as she scrutinised him, willing her tired, sluggish brain to catch up. Her brow knit together in concentration as she took in every feature, trying to remember. Did she know him? Then realisation struck. She did recognise him, but the troubled figure before her bore little resemblance to the quiet, reserved man she had met before she took up her post in Boston.

'Evan? Evan Riley?'

He nodded slowly and mechanically, his expression one of undisguised contempt. She waited, nervous tension gripping her as she tried to anticipate his next move. A myriad of thoughts flitted through her mind as she struggled to make sense of what was going on. Why was he here? What did he want with her? But the question that burned in her mind as she stared at his blood-soaked clothes was whose blood was it? That question was enough to immobilise her. She watched helplessly as he swiped at the beads of sweat on his brow with the sleeve of his left arm, before slowly shaking his head, laughing to himself as he did so. Then he drew his eyes slowly and appraisingly up Maura's body causing her to shudder until they locked on hers once more, his brow furrowed in a menacing scowl, 'When they told me you were here I couldn't believe my luck.' He sucked in a deep breath, his eyes flicking down towards Constance's prone form and then back again. 'This is a bonus, Maura. Two for the price of one.' He paused and then tutted under his breath, slapping his head hard with the heel of his palm, making Maura jump. His lips curling into a sneer, 'No. My mistake. How could I forget Beth? Three.'

_Oh God, Beth!_

Maura couldn't help the gasp that escaped her lips as Evan raised his right arm, his hand gripping an eight inch hunting knife with such intensity that his blanched knuckles stood out in stark contrast to the blade, already slick with blood. Maura struggled to remain calm as Evan thrust the knife in her direction, his face twisted with rage, his body vibrating with tension, 'You and your family have destroyed my life! It's time for you to pay! And this time I'll make sure that I finish it.' he seethed, spittle spraying from his mouth.

Maura was in shock. She stared in disbelief at the crimson blade in front of her as the implications of what he had said began to sink in.

He had stabbed Beth.

He had stabbed her mother.

He was back to finish the job.

Maura searched his face for any sign of compassion or remorse but shuddered as she saw an expression devoid of either. She pressed a trembling hand to her lips, struggling to see past the horror of Evan's revelation so she could come up with a plan. Whatever injustice he felt had been done to him, Maura was dealing with someone who was obviously unpredictable and unbalanced. Could she even reason with him? Her eyes flicked towards the door. She might have a chance to escape but what about her mother?

The seconds seemed to drag out before he slowly lowered his weapon. He tore his eyes away from Maura and made to walk past her, approaching the bed. Maura reacted instinctively, frantically grabbing his arm in desperation, 'Please don't hurt her!'

She regretted her move instantly as he tore his arm out of her grip and spun round, his blade slicing through the air viscously before Maura had time to protect herself, tearing through the silk of her blouse and the flesh of her right bicep. She grabbed her arm and staggered backwards in shock, the searing pain taking her breath away as it flashed through her body. She lost her balance and hit the ground awkwardly as she tried to protect her injured arm from further damage. He was upon her before she had time to regroup, straddling her, his knees planted either side of her legs.

Maura cried out in pain as he grabbing her injured arm, deliberately tightening his grip until she feared she might pass out, 'Don't. Tell. Me. What. To. Do!' he snarled, leaning closer, his face inches from hers, the acrid smell of his sweat assaulting her senses. She squeezed her eyes shut against the horror of the situation. She had no hope of fighting back. Her legs were pinned down by the weight of his body and she was using her good arm to prop herself up. She tried to regulate her breathing despite her panic and the burning pain from the crushing grip he had on her damaged arm. She felt him shift position, flinching as she felt his mouth brush her ear, 'You will do as I say!' he snarled threateningly.

Despite her terror, Maura forced herself to open her eyes to face her tormentor. If she was going to die she would do it with courage. Nevertheless, she couldn't help the whimper that escaped her lips when he pressed the point of his knife against the freckle dusted skin of her left cheek and slowly and tortuously dragged the knife up the side of her cheek to her temple with enough pressure to break the skin and draw blood. Maura tried to remain calm, shallow breaths all she could manage. She gritted her teeth against the agony as he kept up the pressure on her arm, doing her best to remain conscious and alert despite her fear. Even with his hand over her wound, she could feel a steady flow of blood trickling down her arm, indicating the seriousness of the laceration. She shivered as she watched him inspect his handiwork with grim satisfaction before finally withdrawing the blade.

He leaned in once more, using the end of his knife to tilt her chin up, his eyes darkening as they locked on hers, 'Don't move!' he ordered, before he finally let go of her and got back to his feet, leaving Maura reeling from the assault.

Maura knew her situation was desperate. She was in no state to put up a fight. She was weak from blood loss and her wounded and tortured right arm would severely limit her ability to defend herself. She struggled to pull herself upright, almost passing out from the pain as she levered herself into a more defensible position against the chair with her good arm. Her thoughts were scattered now as she battled to stay conscious, knowing what it would mean for her mother and herself if she didn't.

She looked on helplessly as Evan drew himself to his full height, his eyes narrowing as he stalked towards the unconscious matriarch. The muscles in his jaw twitched, his whole posture tensing as he stopped abruptly by her bed. Maura watched in horror as he pressed the tip of the knife against her mother's throat. He lowered his head until his mouth was inches from Constance's ear, his voice shaking with barely controlled rage, 'You. Should. Be. Dead!' he spat.

Maura tried to focus. If she and her mother were going to get out of this alive she needed to do something and she knew she didn't have much time.

'Evan?' she pleaded, as she saw him grab her mother's hair roughly, adjusting his position as he raised his knife.

'Evan!' She screamed in desperation.

He spun round to face her, his expression furious. Maura let out a breath at the temporary reprieve, then, trying to keep her voice calm despite her panic she pressed on slowly and deliberately, hoping that she could reason with him, 'Evan, please let me help you.'

Maura scrutinised his face anxiously for signs that she had gotten through to him. The seconds dragged out as he seemed to consider her words. He searched her face and for a moment she saw his expression soften. It was the Evan she remembered. But the next moment it was gone, quickly replaced with one of torment and confusion. He put his trembling hand through his hair, grabbing a fistful of it in frustration, before letting out an anguished growl, 'No!' he yelled, his voice rough with emotion, 'I needed that money! It was supposed to be mine!' He looked at her, his expression pained.

Maura tried again, fervently hoping she could get through to him, 'We can work this out, Evan. Let me help you, please!'

He buried his head in his hands, still tightly gripping the knife. Maura could see him wrestling with his emotions, his whole body pulsing with tension. Then, he tore his hands away from his face, shaking his head violently, his agitation building again 'No!' he cried, pointing the hunting knife at her threateningly, 'You. Stop. Talking!' Maura's heart thudded painfully in her chest, shocked by how quickly she had lost control of the situation. Evan began to pace back and forth near the bed, muttering to himself under his breath.

Maura despaired at the sight of Evan obviously losing his last tenuous grip on sanity. He was clearly beyond reason, which meant that she and her mother were out of options. She tried to block Evan out, just for a moment. If she was going to die she didn't want her last thoughts to be of him. She wanted to think about the people who loved her and who she loved.

She thought of Jane. Losing her to Casey was one thing but the thought that she might never see her again felt physically painful. Now, even if she wanted to, she might never get the chance to tell Jane how much she meant to her, how much she loved her, and how much her life had been transformed because of her. Maura swallowed thickly as heavy tears slipped unchecked down her cheeks, mingling with the blood from the gash on her face.

Then her thoughts turned to Beth. She felt fury ignite within her as she imagined Beth's final moments at the hands of this madman. Her emotions were further catalysed when she thought of how Beth had barely saved her mother from a similar fate. She let her wrath burn unchecked, knowing that if she had any chance of getting out of this alive, anger would be her fuel. She thought of what he had taken from her and what he still wanted to take. She allowed her rage to build and explode inside of her, mingling with all of the anguish and pain of the last few days. She willed her body to be strong enough, relying on the adrenaline coursing through her to take the edge off her pain and exhaustion. If he was intent on killing her she was going to put up a fight!

She discreetly felt around on the floor behind her for anything she could use to protect herself, just as Evan stopped pacing and turned to face her. His face was set in a determined mask, the tendons on his neck taut beneath his skin, 'It's too late! I've lost everything because of you!'

Her time had run out.

Maura faced her attacker with grim determination. She used her anger to summon up every last bit of energy she had left to defeat the man who wanted to destroy her, whilst frantically trying to recall all that Jane had taught her about defending herself against a knife attack. Then she thought of her beautiful, brave friend, bringing to mind her courage, her fierce loyalty and her absolute refusal to give up no matter how hopeless things seemed. Maura's heart clenched as she recalled with wonder, how faced with the prospect of losing her, Jane had somehow found the strength to overpower and kill Hoyt. Now it was Evan who was determined to tear them apart and kill her mother and Maura would not let him succeed!

Maura gritted her teeth, trying to ignore the searing pain from her damaged arm. She knew she didn't have enough time to get to her feet and defend herself, so instead she fixed her mind on everything that was at stake, wishing she had just a portion of Jane's courage as she prepared to fight for her life, bracing herself against the chair as Evan advanced towards her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Author's Note: So sorry for the delay. I have honestly been working on it and tweaking it for ages! And I was wrong...The last chapter was a breeze to write compared to this one! Oh, how I have wrestled with this chapter: The blood; The sweat; The tears...And that wasn't just the characters!**

**Thanks as always to my awesome beta, Whitewave42. Although I grumbled and pouted every time she told me it needed more moments, more layers and more everything...She was absolutely right and I am so grateful for her honesty and support.**

**Anyway. Thank you all for sticking with me! Please tell me that the writing angst was worth it. I love to hear what you think.**

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After sprinting back to ICU, Jane flashed her badge and yelled for the desk clerk to call security before tearing down the corridor, half skidding to a stop when she reached Constance's room to find the blinds drawn. She struggled to get her breathing under control, her chest heaving from the exertion, her veins coursing with adrenaline. She carefully tried the door handle, cursing under her breath when she realised it was locked.

He was already here.

She dragged a shaky hand through her hair, trying to keep her rampaging emotions in check and suppress the rising tide of panic that whispered in her mind that she might already be too late. Jane knew she needed to focus and not allow her feelings to cloud her judgement. She had to get herself back into detective mode for Maura's sake, but she didn't have the luxury of choosing the perfect moment to strike. She needed to get in there now, whatever the situation was on the other side of the door.

Just then Maura's urgent plea broke the silence, 'Please, Evan! No!'

Jane didn't hesitate, the desperation in Maura's voice mobilising her instantly. A well-placed kick shattering the lock on the door so it smashing against the wall, swinging wildly on its hinges. Jane exploded into the room amid a shower of safety glass and splinters, just in time to see Maura's attacker raising his knife to strike as she lay propped up awkwardly against the bedside chair, her blouse soaked with blood.

'No!' Jane let out an anguished cry, knowing that she had no hope of getting to him before he could strike, throwing out her hands in desperation as he lunged at Maura with his knife. Jane held her breath as Maura bravely thrust out her injured arm in an attempt to minimise the damage. She succeeded in deflecting the blade away from her body, but screamed in pain as the knife tore into her forearm instead. Jane launched herself across the room as he raised his blade for a final assault. But it was Maura who took them both by surprise, letting out a grunt of effort as she swung at him, the shoe she had in her hand smashing into the side of his head with enough force to stun him, knocking him off balance.

While Evan clutched at his head, disoriented by the blow, Jane closed the distance between them, crashing into him with a shoulder charge that smashed him against the guard rail of Constance's bed. He crumpled to the floor, the breath knocked out of him.

Jane shot an anxious glance towards Maura as she groaned in pain, her body reacting to her attempts to defend herself and the effort of trying to pull herself clear of Evan. Then, bloodied and exhausted, she slumped back against the chair, her eyes fluttering shut. Jane panicked, tearing her eyes away from Maura with a renewed sense of urgency, knowing she couldn't afford to waste her advantage. She quickly straddling Evan, attempting to pin down his arms as he gasped for breath. But his initial shock from Jane's assault dissolved into abject fury, a sudden burst of strength making it difficult for Jane to wrestle the knife out of his grip, the blade flashing around dangerously as he attempted to fight back.

'She needs to pay!' he hissed, his eyes wild with rage as he fought against Jane's efforts to restrain him. She struggled to get control of the situation, grappling with him until she finally managed to pin him down by his wrists. Evan continued to buck and writhe, surprising Jane with his strength as he thrashed around violently. Jane would not be moved: there was too much at stake. She continued to hold him in place, shifting her position all the while to maintain her control. This was one battle she could not lose and she was desperate to get to Maura.

She gritted her teeth as she fought for dominance, eventually managing to disarm him after smashing his hand repeatedly against the hard linoleum floor until he cried out in pain and released the knife. It only served to make him even more furious, somehow managing to free his wrist, his fist connecting with Jane's jaw with a crack. She shook her head to clear it, tasting blood in her mouth and losing her last shred of patience. Before Evan could follow through with another punch she made her move, a swift blow to his head with her elbow putting an end to the tussle and knocking him out cold.

She leaned in, scrutinising the face of the man who had sought to tear Maura away from her, 'You'd better hope everyone gets through this, you bastard!' She growled under her breath before rocking back on her haunches, rubbing her aching jaw with her hand.

Jane heard the sound of heavy feet pounding down the corridor. Her head snapped towards the door and she let out a sigh of relief as two burly hospital security officers rushed into the room, crunching across the broken glass with their weapons raised.

Jane slowly raised her hands, showing them her badge as she did so. Once they acknowledged her, she jumped to her feet, not wanting to waste a second. After impatiently briefing them, she was at last able to turn her attention to Maura. She dropping down on her knees beside her, reaching out to comfort her, only to stop short, worried about hurting Maura as she was finally able to absorb her injuries.

Jane barely heard the buzz of activity in the room as the security guards dealt with the still unconscious Evan and summoned a medical team on their radio, alerting them to the condition of the casualties. Maura was the sole focus of her attention now. Jane took a shuddering breath and rubbed her hand distractedly over her mouth, her expression darkening as she assessed the damage Evan had inflicted on the ME. The urge to hug Maura was overwhelming, but Jane feared hurting her. Instead she placing her suddenly trembling hand over Maura's, squeezing it gently. She had never seen her look so pale and so fragile: her brow knitting as she tried to breathe through the pain, snatching shallow, ragged breaths. Jane's stomach lurched as the unbidden thoughts of how close she had come to losing Maura spilled into her mind. She took a few steadying breaths to calm herself before she turned her attention back to her friend.

As Jane listened to Maura's laboured breathing and watched the blood continue to ooze from her injured arm, she panicked, her frustration suddenly spilling over as she realised that Maura wasn't out of danger yet. She whipped her head round to address the guard at the door, 'Where the hell are the medical team?!'

'The hospital is in lock-down, detective. They'll get here as soon as they can.'

Jane frantically looked around the room for something to help staunch Maura's bleeding. She felt a flash of anger as her eyes swept across to Evan, lying prone and under the watchful eye of the other guard only a few feet away from her. She clenched her jaw and then quickly refocussed, her eyes alighting on Maura's scarf hanging over the chair. She reached over and grabbed it, then set to work wrapping it carefully around Maura's wounded arm, watching her anxiously as she groaned in pain, her eyes remaining tightly shut.

After tying off the makeshift bandage, Jane knelt down beside the pale ME, gently grasping her hand in hers and biting her lip worriedly as her gaze swept up the long, bloodied laceration trailing up the side of her cheek near her hairline. She carefully brushed Maura's hair away from the wound, then tentatively reached towards her unmarked cheek, brushing her thumb across it soothingly, 'Maur?' she whispered, her throat tight. She watched as Maura's eyes seemed to struggle behind heavy lids, finally cracking open. Jane smiled reflexively in relief, still gently caressing her cheek.

'Hey.' She smiled, her heart clenching as she saw Maura fighting to focus, then watched worriedly as Maura grimaced, attempting to shift position.

Jane gave Maura's hand another reassuring squeeze, her steady gaze meeting Maura's with conviction, 'Help is on its way. Hang in there, okay?' Jane kept her eyes locked on Maura's, watching as the ME searched her face and seemingly satisfied with Jane's words, visibly calmed, her breathing finally settling a little. After a few moments Maura struggled to sit up but Jane dropped her hand from her cheek and gently restrained her, 'Don't try and move, Maura.' She urged.

'Jane?' Maura's voice was painfully quiet but deadly serious.

'Yes, Maur'?' Jane leaned closer to Maura as her voice was barely more than a whisper.

'I think I broke my shoe.'

The earnestness of Maura's tone caused Jane to grin involuntarily, shaking her head with a snort. Her expression softened as she regarded Maura affectionately, an eyebrow raised, 'Well I for one am never going to criticize your choice of footwear again.'

Maura managed to smile victoriously despite her pain, and it spurred Jane on, desperately wanting to distract her friend from her injuries.

'Maura?' Jane waited until Maura's eyes met hers once more before she blew out a breath, rubbing at her jaw, 'We are going to have a lot of explaining to do when Gloria gets here.'

Jane watched as Maura seemed to consider her words before her expression turned serious, she leaned in closer, her steady gaze never leaving Jane's face, 'I'll protect you.' Maura whispered, the tiniest of smiles playing around her lips.

Jane chuckled, but as she searched Maura's face and saw the determination there beyond the humour of her words, it affected her deeply. The tears prickled her eyes, threatening to spill. Jane shook her head, slowly lowering it until their foreheads touched, her eyes fluttering shut as she squeezed Maura's hand tightly. She swallowed past the lump in her throat, her voice hoarse, 'I don't doubt it.'

Before Jane had time to savour the precious moment of calm, she was startled by Maura's sharp intake of breath. She pulled her head back, just in time to see Maura's expression crumple into a grimace of pain. Jane had seen enough. 'C'mere.' She croaked, adjusting her position so she could pull Maura across her lap, all the while being careful not to jostle her injured arm. Once she had her cradled in her arms she gently drew her into a hug, Maura's head nestling beneath her chin. Maura continued to whimper quietly, but grasped at Jane's T-shirt with her good arm, pulling her even closer. Jane swallowed thickly, working her jaw in an effort to fend off the tears that threatened to spill. She felt such a deep connection to the woman she held in her arms and it affected her so profoundly, making Maura's pain so much harder for her to bear.

Jane wasn't sure how long they had remained in their embrace when the sound of pounding feet and raised voices in the corridor broke the spell. Then, as if Maura had been holding out for the medics all the while, Jane's felt her go limp in her arms, finally losing her battle to remain conscious.

'Maura!' Jane frantically pulled her closer, burying her head in her hair. Her heart began to thud painfully in her chest as her panic escalated. She was oblivious to the methodical activity of the medics who had finally turned up. It was only when she felt a firm but gentle hand grasp her upper arm and the rich tones of the now familiar nurse pervaded her consciousness that she finally loosened her hold.

'Detective? It seems I can't leave you alone for five minutes,' Gloria burred, having recovered from the shock of the scene that awaited her. She bent down towards Jane and gently tugged on her arm. Jane flinched at the touch but relaxed as she looked up to meet Gloria's compassionate gaze.

'Come on, now. Let my colleagues do their jobs.'

Jane hesitated, ready to protest. She shot another anxious glance at Maura, not wanting to let her go, but another gentle pull on her arm caused her gaze to flick back to Gloria, seeing nothing but calm reassurance reflected back. She reluctantly lowered Maura to the floor, moving aside to give the medical team the space they needed to tend to her.

Jane got to her feet, fidgeting and watching helplessly as the medics worked on Maura, checking her vitals and calling out instructions to each other as they assessed her condition. Gloria checked on Constance and then, sensing the detective's growing agitation and concern, she returned to place a reassuring hand on her arm. Jane allowed it, grateful for the support.

Jane was frantic by the time the medical team were satisfied that Maura could be moved, carefully lifting her onto a waiting gurney. She tried to convince herself that the injuries weren't life threatening, but as her eyes swept across Maura's motionless body, her skin shockingly pale against the crimson of her bloodied wounds, uncertainty prevailed.

Jane allowed her gaze to linger on Maura's familiar profile, absorbing the curve of her jaw, the dusting of freckles across her cheek and the elegant sweep of her brow. It stole her breath, finally acknowledging in her head what she had known in her heart for so long. Maura meant everything to her: more than her job; more than her family; more than her own life. She couldn't lose Maura because she couldn't imagine life without her. It was a revelation that both overwhelmed her and terrified her.

'Maura!' Jane lunged towards the gurney as it swept past, her needy fingers brushing against Maura's unresponsive hand as she pulled against Gloria's restraining hold on her arm. She struggled to break away from the nurse's firm grip but she soon realised it was futile, letting her arm drop limply to her side in defeat. Instead, all she could do was look on helplessly, biting back the sob that threatened to escape as the stricken ME was whisked away from her and out of sight.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Author's note:**

**I feel like I need a note from my mum to excuse me! I know it has been an absolute age. Sincere apologies and thank you if you have hung on despite the wait.**

**What can I say...Life got in the way!**

**If it helps, it has been immensely frustrating to me too. I have struggled to get any time to write and then I have wrestled with it for ages.**

**Thanks, as always, go to my marvellous beta, Whitewave42. She helped me sort out the 'sentence from hell' that was stopping me from getting this published!**

**XXXXX**

Maura stirred, her battered body and groggy mind unable to resist the inevitable tug towards consciousness. She fought to crack open heavy lids, and once the battle was won, the brutal sunlight caused her to suck in a shocked breath and squint reflexively until her sensitive eyes finally adjusted to the brightness of the room.

She lay on her back, blinking uncomfortably against the light that streamed through the nearby window. Her disorientation eventually subsided as she recognised where she was, her fingers tentatively brushing over the starchy sheets of the hospital bed. She set about the task of mentally checking herself over. She acknowledged the throbbing ache of her wounded arm and face, dulled by the pain meds, and the stiffness of her bruised body. She ran her tongue over dry lips, her throat feeling parched and scratchy.

Maura frowned, trying to assimilate all of her scrambled thoughts. Too soon, she was assaulted by the memories of what had transpired before she passed out. She scrunched her eyes shut, as if in doing so she could fend off the painful memories that bubbled to the surface, at least until she felt able to deal with them. It was a futile exercise and she felt herself begin to tense, her pulse quickening as her brain finally caught up with her body and all of the pieces of the jigsaw started to click into place in rapid succession:

Evan attacked her.

She fought back.

He tried to kill her.

But her next recollection stopped all the others in their tracks: Jane had stopped him.

Maura allowed herself a moment to absorb the wonder of Jane's timely intervention, letting it settle around her like a safety blanket. Then, as her awareness returned, she was pulled back to the present by a noise that until now had lingered around the periphery of her consciousness: the unmistakeable sound of light snoring just to the right of her.

She breathed out slowly and then, worrying her lower lip, she tilted her head towards the visitor's chair, an internal battle waging between hope and expectation on one hand and the fear of disappointment on the other.

But she wasn't disappointed. Her stomach fluttered, her body relaxing immediately as she looked upon the sleeping form of her best friend, somehow crammed precariously into a chair far too small and unforgiving for her long limbs. Maura smiled affectionately, the familiar bloom in her chest reminding her how much she loved this woman. Jane looked a little crumpled from sleep and her hair was even more unruly than usual but it made her look all the more beautiful to Maura as she took in every detail. Jane's eyebrows were pinched into the slightest frown, yet she looked relaxed, her soft mouth slightly open and her jaw slack as she snored softly. Maura's eyes crinkled in amusement as she absorbed the rare yet endearing sight of the motionless detective for a few beats before her smile quickly faded, reality seeping in.

Jane was leaving.

Maura clenched her jaw and pushed the thought away. She turned her head and stared out of the window for a while, blinking back tears as a lump forming in her throat. Then, after a while, she blew out a breath in frustration and reached across to the bedside cabinet, snatching up the handset that operated the bed. She pushed a button to raise the head of the bed impatiently until she was able to sit upright and collapse back against the pillows.

Maura fidgeted for a while until she had finally manoeuvred herself into a more comfortable position. Only then did she turn her attention back to the sleeping detective, her brows knitting together in concentration as she wrestled with the situation she found herself in. What was she going to do? She had tried distancing herself from Jane, but she had to admit that it had been an abysmal failure, only succeeding in making her feel even more miserable. So what now? She dropped her head into her hands as she tried to focus. Then, after a few moments of silent contemplation, she slowly lifted her head, her decision made.

It was true, Maura didn't know how long she had left with Jane. She could be leaving next week or next month, she couldn't be sure. But, there was one thing that Maura was sure about: Jane was here with her right now and she was going try her best to savour every minute she had with her, rather than drift through the next weeks or months as if she had already lost her.

Just then, the relative calm of the room was shattered as Gloria blustered through the door, pulling up short as soon as she spotted Maura.

'Dr. Isles! Welcome back!' Gloria exclaimed, grinning broadly as she moved towards the bed.

Maura's was about to respond when she was interrupted by a loud curse coming from the now very much awake detective who had practically fallen out of the chair at the sound of Gloria's booming voice and was now standing at attention, rubbing at her neck in agitation.

'Seriously, Gloria?' Jane huffed, her chest still heaving from the shock 'I didn't survive a knife-wielding assassin just so you could creep up on me while I was sleeping and scare the crap out of me! Couldn't you just whisper or give Maura a quiet welcome back hug or something?'

Gloria tried her best to look repentant but it wasn't long before she was doubled over trying to get her breath as her hearty laughter filled the room.

Maura watched as Jane threw up her arms in exasperation before tugging impatiently at the hem of her crumpled jacket. Then as if suddenly remembering that her friend was finally awake, she spun round to face Maura, her eyes intense and serious.

'Maur', you okay?' She husked.

Maura didn't want to provoke Jane further, trying desperately to keep a straight face. She could only nod vigorously in response, biting her lower lip. In the end, Jane's look of exasperation proved too much for Maura and she lost the battle to maintain her composure, finally bursting into a fit of giggles.

'Really, Maura?!' Jane whined.

Maura wasn't fooled by the look of exasperation on her face. Although she knew Jane was aggravated by her rude awakening, she also knew that she would take it in good humour if it meant she had succeeded in cheering her friend up. She watched knowingly as Jane quirked an eyebrow at her, throwing her hands in the air, 'Great! I faithfully watch over you all night and this is the thanks I get. You and 'Nurse Stealthy' ganging up on me!'

Gloria cleared her throat, an eyebrow raised challengingly, 'Well, if you ask me, Detective, you weren't really _watching_ over her.' Again, Maura had to quickly bite her lip to stop herself from laughing.

Jane folded her arms across her chest and stuck out her hip defiantly. She tilted her head towards Maura and began to talk in a stage whisper out of the side of her mouth, 'Nobody _asked_ her'.

Gloria mirrored Jane's stance and pursed her lips, 'Mm Hmm.'

Maura looked on in amusement as they proceeded to try and outstare each other before Gloria's shrugged her shoulders and sauntered up to Jane with a playful glint in her eye. She got right into Jane's face as she stood her ground, she scrutinised her for a few moments before she finally spoke, 'Sorry..._Not_ Sorry.', she purred slowly, before sweeping past the detective to check on her patient.

Jane spun round, her eyebrows high in her hairline as her eye's tracked Gloria, who had now reverted back to 'nurse mode', and was focussed on the task of assessing Maura and checking her blood pressure.

Gloria glanced up, her eyes filled with mirth before she saw that Jane had sobered at the reminder of Maura's condition. Gloria turned her attention back to her patient.

'You're doing just fine, Dr Isles.' Gloria patted Maura's arm reassuringly before looking back up at Jane, her eyebrow raised challengingly.

Jane took the bait, 'Well, she's tougher than you'd think.' She was trying hard to keep her face nonchalant, before looking down at Maura and giving her a slightly subdued trademark eye roll. Maura grinned back at her, the playful banter was a welcome distraction. Jane always had a knack of knowing how to make her feel better.

Maura watched as Jane flopped into the visitor's chair. She settled back against the plump hospital pillows, smiling to herself as she observed Jane and Gloria still playfully giving each other the 'evil eye'. Jane's attention suddenly turned back to her, her earnest brown eyes scrutinising her.

'How are you feeling, Maur'?' Jane's tone was devoid of all humour now as she searched her face.

Jane's sudden show of deep concern took Maura by surprise and she found she couldn't hold her gaze, her eyes dropping as she fidgeted with her hands. How did she feel? She felt her throat tighten as she thought about it for a moment. Her mind flitted from one thing to the next, her throbbing arm, her aching head, her mother, the confrontation with Evan...Beth...' Maura lifted a tremulous hand to her lips, feeling the tell-tale prickle of tears as her eyes snapping up to lock on Jane's expectant ones.

'Beth? She's...' Maura couldn't bring herself to say it. She shook her head and bit her lip, her eyes searching Jane's face for the answer that she didn't want to hear.

Jane quickly reached across the bed and grasped Maura's free hand, clasping it between hers reassuringly.

'Beth's going to be okay, Maura.' Jane soothed.

Maura searched her face, hardly daring to believe it after all that Evan had said. She tore her eyes away from Jane and turned to Gloria for confirmation. Gloria took the cue. She moved back around the bed towards the door, her hand resting on the back of Jane's chair as she addressed Maura.

'Miss Irving sustained a serious stab wound to her neck, but she's out of danger now.' Maura felt relief wash over her. She felt overwhelmed, her emotions raw after all that had happened in the last 24 hours. All she could do was give Gloria a tiny nod of acknowledgement as she worked her jaw, trying to compose herself. She was surprised how emotional she felt, the ordeal apparently stripping away her usual stoic countenance.

'She has _your _detective to thank for that.' Gloria added, moving her hand from the back of the chair to reach down and give Jane's shoulder a gentle pat, her eyes never leaving Maura's face.

Maura felt her cheeks flush at the nurses turn of phrase. She glanced at Jane, who looked back at her a little self-consciously before her eyes dropped to her hand that was still grasping Maura's. She gently released her hand and settled back into her chair, Maura immediately missing the contact.

'If you will excuse me ladies, I need to go check on Mrs Isles and Miss Irving now.' Maura watched as Gloria looked between her and Jane, who had tilted her head around to look at her. The nurse shook her head, tutting to herself, 'My! You and your family and friends are certainly keeping me busy this evening!' She exclaimed, patted Jane on the shoulder once more before leaving them alone.

As Gloria exited the room, leaving the revelation of yet more of Jane's heroics hanging in the air, Maura felt the urge to call her back so she had time to process everything before she was confronted with Jane's full attention. Why did it seem that every time she determined to move forward, Jane did something else to grab hold of her heart and make it impossible? How could she hope to move on when Jane was like a rich thread woven deeply into the entire tapestry of her life, giving it beauty and colour?

Maura couldn't help her mind wandering to thoughts about what could have happened if Jane hadn't been here to intervene. She owed her so much and she worried that if she spoke now she risked exposing the depths of her feelings for her. Maura glanced over at Jane. She was surprised to see that she too seemed ill at ease, fidgeting with the edge of her Jacket, her head bowed. Why did their relationship, always so effortless and easy, suddenly seem so difficult to navigate?

Maura resolved that this was unacceptable. She would not allow her final days with Jane, however many there may be, to be marred by awkwardness and tense silences. She would make a concerted effort to put forward as normal a façade as possible, and hopefully Jane would follow her lead.

Plastering a cheerful grin on her face, Maura dove into some small talk, hoping to reignite the friendly banter than had left with Gloria.

'So, how many times has your mother called?'

As Jane sat up and rolled her eyes, Maura's smile became more genuine as she knew Jane had taken her cue. Now it was just a matter of maintaining the momentum until the end.

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**Author's note.**

**Let me know what you think. Thanks for your support.**


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